New Old Friends

New Old Rehearsals

2009-05-03T14:59:00.002+01:00

Hello to you all!!!!

Welcome to another rather sporadic edition of the New Old Friends blog.

Now recently both we and I'm sure you, because you're ever so sharp when you want to be, have noticed that this good old, dependable (well, dependable-ish) blog has started to play fourth fiddle to the New Old Friends Twitter, Facebook, and Youtube Vlog sites.

In some ways this is great. It means we've finally decided to do something other than just write this blog every now and again, and that you, wonderful as you are, get to experience a veritable plethora of multi-media news, updates and general stupidity from your new old friends at...er...New Old Friends.

However in the interests of tradition, a tiny hint of boredom and the impending resuscitation of Mate, we've decided it'd be a good idea to keep the blog blogging.

So here it is.

Now I'm sure you've already bought/reserved your tickets to come along and be part of the worldwide phenomenon that is Cirque Du Soleil, and it's at this point that I say to you....why? So some guy can touch his face with his face while juggling seventeen live tigers, dressed as people in suits of armor, stood on hot coals, curing swine flu victims with his tears, playing the national anthem on a lute covered in bees. Big whoop. I can chew and walk at the same time (mostly), and I can touch my face with my hand even if the doctor told me not to....anyway, the point is that you shouldn't spend all your hard earned cash (not Johnny, cash, money...) on some acrobatic extravaganza. Come and see Mate at the White Bear Theatre Club in Kennington (South London) from the 12th - 16th May! It's not just a comedy, it's funny too.

Now I hear you all asking? But why should I see this? Wasn't it on in Bath last year? Well the answer to that is.....er.....come and see Mate at the White Bear Theatre Club in Kennington (South London) from the 12th - 16th May! It's not just a comedy, it's funny too.

But in all seriousness we do need an audience, so if you find one, even one that's been living on the streets having been kicked out of Cirque Du Soleil, then send them along to the White Bear for at least one night of sheer hilarity, Nazi escapee, Zimbabwean grown, upper middle class, South West inspired tom foolery...and while they're here they can come see the play too.

Rehearsals (God help us) start up again tomorrow at the ungodly hour of sometime before 10 and the fantabulous twitter updates at both

http://twitter.com/newoldfriends

http://twitter.com/joshgolga

along with new vlogs from youtubesville, messages from the book on your face and perhaps even the odd traditional blog or two will be winging their way to your computer screens throughout the process.

Hope your well and don't forget to wish Amy and Ben many many many many many happy wishes and congratulations on their new old baby.

Blogolga & Sergio
(Josh and Fearg)
New Old Friends
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxobivAEtwo

VIDEO!

2009-03-19T00:03:00.003Z

Hello faithful bloggites,

We have not forgotten you. We have been wooed by Twitter, but we will not neglect you. We come a-grovelling with new footage of your faithful company founders Josh & Fearg. It is quite late, in fact very early the next morning. So it should be below, Josh is just over there <- sorting it out on his shiny new Mactastic Mac. He is adding pretty colours. Actually he's just saturating a bit more. There is a tiny bit of acting in there, prizes if you can spot where it happens. So I'm just going to type away at my keyboard over here until the Golgothan sorts his shiite out. I mean that in a colloquial term, Josh does not have a Muslim manservant of any denomination. We are quibbling over the date for the title. He says it should be the 18th because we recorded it about ten minutes ago when it was the 18th, but he's writing it now so shouldn't it be the 19th? He won the mild disagreement by pointing out I say tommorrow in the Vlog as we are now referring to it. If you don't look closely it appears that Josh and I are wearing the same Tshirt. I do not mean two examples of the same design, but rather both our heads in the same garment. That it until Josh steps out of frame. Josh is now adding the description for over on our YouTube channel, and some 'Tags'. How exciting! We are almost done. I say we, I mean he. He is promising (ish) more Vlogs to come. I like that idea but we will be in the same room together at some point in the future. We will be sure to Vlog during rehearsal week though, that is a promise. His Macary Sagna is lying to us it is uploading in 12/13/12/13/12/7 minutes. I have Twittered three times in the course of this blog, make that four. Only five minutes left, are your ears salivating? Your eyes sweating? Your mouth gagging for cock? If you answered yes to two out of three of those you are not natural. We're not homophobic, I was talking about the first two. Shame on you if you weren't. Shame on you if you were gagging for cock in your mouth though, that's not what this blog is about. Although there is a slightly homo-erotic moment in the Vlog. You'd have to have pretty low standards of homo-erotica though. Two minutes. I feel like Ricky Gervais at the memorial for Diana. Although less of a smug self-satisfied arsebandito. If Mr Gervais is reading this, first, wow. Second, we don't think you are a smug self-satisfied arsebandito because you are not nearly Mexican enough. You are far more Mexicunt. Less than a minute the ladies cry in post-coital frustration after a night with the boyz.

Here it is!

Gaydom

2009-02-09T16:26:00.002Z

Hello to you! But not to you...I don't like you.

Welcome again to the blog. Here it is in all it's blogishness.

I recognize that some of you naysayers out there will hasten to point out that there was no blog last week. This is because unfortunately the internet was completely deleted last monday as a result of snow and leaves on the line. Ordinarily I would apologize for this but my good friend Timberland has informed me that it's too late for the issuing of such a statement. Aliens are real and dolphins secretly laugh at us when our back are turned...yada yada yada other attemptedly funny but probably just weird things.................

On the subject of subjects, a good one to discuss or bring up is the impending doom hanging over us all...I mean impending performance of Mate. (The two impending events stated above are in no way linked)

This week I told Fearg I just couldn't bear to do the play again...or rather than I was supposed to be filming on the performance dates! This was worrying momentarily. At the peak of this worry the film people (technical name) emailed me and said that I was no longer needed for those dates, which was nice. I, in turn told Fearg, who laughed in my face and said that he had converted the show into a one man performance and that he'd brought in Jeremy Beadle and Mike Reid to perform it. At this point I woke up to hear Fearg say...cool. Now all we need is to see if Andy can do it.

No further progress has been made. Dawson...if you're reading this...call us...or at least someone you know and find out how they are.

A question for you:

Batman or Superman?

Ponder this at your leisure.

And, before I leave you quivering for no apparent reason I feel it is my duty to say that the snow was fun and the current precipitation is boring. For ever and ever, Amen.

Blogolganstein

Fearg on Fridays

2009-01-30T20:07:00.002Z

It's been a long time, I shouldn't of left you, without a bope blog to step to, step to, step to.

I said WORD UP! WOAAH! Hows it hanging my blogalicious mutherflipsters? You still kicking it all school, up in the webdizzle with Fearganizzle bringing the shizzle to the grizzle. There eyes was like Boom full a suprise for Mike!

I'd like to take this opportunity to show mad love for the "winners at the academy rattling your anatomy that'd be J5 so kill all your fake platapies" If anyone has any idea what a platapie is I'd love to know. I'm think it's either a bastardization of platitude or possible the inbred cousin of a platypus. Duck billed or other wise.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef! Boom. Got it off a bog roll. No joke, a hilarious product that is toilet paper printed with gags. It's name? Crap jokes. Genius.

So, Mate is following Dick Whittington and his talented Pussy (see the Vietnamese stage show it's unbelievable) to London town. The streets are paved with gold. Not true, they are infact paved with tarmac or any other non-brand affilated ashfelt but the ashfelt gets so worn in our far capital that it has to be held together with gum. That's right Londoners who spit their vile masticated rubber onto the floor for you to step in with your brand new Manalohs aren't being rude ignorant knobheads but are in fact doing their civic duty. I may have lied twice in that sentance. They are knobheads and you aren't wearing anything other than three year old green flashes.

But yes, Mate is off to London, which is very exciting. Are you excited? Is it because of our news or because of the free porn you're streaming in the other window? Procrasturbate: The wank you have just to kill time. Not my joke Lucy Porter's she's a very funny lady, plus I would, bonus. I said bonUS nothing else, keep you're head in the game and put that down. There is no nudity here, although I can do this - ( . )( . ) He he Boobs. Or this- ) . ( He he Navel. Or this - Nope I got nothing. Shame on you for hoping.

I leave with with two jokes that will guarantee you being though of as a genuine wit (or something that rhymes with wit at least)

When someone says "Put the kettle on." Your answer must always, ALWAYS, be "Nah, wouldn't suit me."

When someone says "How did you sleep?" The correct answer is "With my eyes closed."

Oh yeah! AU comedy gold.

Remember people the greatest heckle is silence.

Oh, and GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO STEELERS!

Blog is back, back again, Blog is back tell some men...

2009-01-26T11:52:00.002Z

Yo ho hello there. A Warm and merry welcome to both 2009 and the newest installment of an old blog. See what I did there...oh well nevermind.

So residents of Peasedown St Blog/Blogdown St John. how was your new year? Good. Now that's out of the way I am happy to announce the exciting brand new, thoroughly enthralling and fascinating new production from New Old Friends. It's called........MATE (usually to be written in Impact font) the production follows two friends Will and Toni and their mate Wes.

As you may have guessed we are infact doing the same play again only this time we've broken out of our egg shaped theatre (not actually egg shaped) and are London bound! Namely to the White Bear in Kennington.

After this, we have also discussed, in dark corners and with hushed voices, the possibility of maybe taking our Mate to the good old Burgh. But these are far off flights of fancy in a distant galaxy where...erm...fuck that it wasn't really going anywhere anyway.

Unfortunately, I'm very uncomfortable lying here and still need to shower today so I am going to close at this juncture. If you are still wondering what I've taken so many, often pointless words to say then to you sir I say...we're actually doing some more work!

Now you wanna run around and talk about guns

Like I ain't got none

What you think I sold 'em all

'Cos I stay well off

Now all we get is fan mail all say sayin Mate is on

What 'cos we been in the lab wit a pen and a pad

Tryna get this damn Theatre Company off

Easy Gangstas

Brrraap Brrraap

Blogolga

We'll be back

2008-12-27T02:36:00.001Z

To all of you breathlessly awaiting a new blog. Don't worry we will be resuming normal service in the new year. Keeping you abreast of all the exciting new projects and hopefully giving you a chuckle or two along the way.

Meanwhile just check out what Fearg made as an apology!

Fearg on Fridays

2008-11-28T20:06:00.004Z

Ok, ok, I know. I've been out blogged by the Blogolga. Welcome back sir. Last week my internet time was taken up with updating the website. We have a new front page and a some updates around and about the place.

This is going to be a short blog because I have SO much TV to watch. I don't really like watching TV, but then we went and got Sky+ and today alone I have watched THREE count them THREE NFL games back to back and I'm now settling down to watch Casino Royale, with cheese. Which in America they call Casino Quater Pounder, with cheese. That is an excellent Pulp Fiction reference slash joke. If you don't get it go and watch Pulp Fiction, if you do get you'll probably go and watch it anyway because it's that good a film that when you think about it you want to watch it. Damn, now I want to watch it.

In my little hiatus I've been a busy-ish bee. I've continued my roll of positive rejections. "What the hey is a positive rejection Feargaliscious?" I hear you ask in a particularly PG13 ghetto way. Well it's when you audition, don't get the part but have lengthy meetings/conversations/Emails with the directors who tell you that you're great and they want to work with just not on this one. It is a good thing, it's just hard to remember that when you get four in a row. It was after the fourth of these that I was offered the lead in a short film. It wasn't the sort of project I'd normally do, as the pay wasn't great and it's unlikely to further my career. However, as I said it came on the back of four rejections and I accepted mainly because it was nice to be wanted again. The filming actually turned out to be a lot of fun. It was freezing cold, wet, repetative, but also somehow fun. Well done and cheers to the crew for making it so. The rushes also looked pretty good, with the exception of about four shots where I give it 'Blue Steel'. I am looking away from the camera and then at the mention of my father spin around pouting in a particularly Casualty way. I'm hoping that particular shot ends up on the cutting room floor. Also, I got to smoke in the shoot which always makes you feel like James Dean. Speaking of James Dean, one of the world's most famous actor, have you ever seen one of his movies? Except Rebel Without A Cause?

Another positive from the filming was a two night stay over in Ealing with MEB during which time we managed to shoehorn in a New Old Friends film starring myself and Marc E Brown. The film is called Opening Up and is basically a short comedy. After we wrapped, I realised it's a little Lock Stock-esque but for the most part we avoided cockerknee accents, which in my book is a good thing. The film will be up on our YouTube channel as soon as it is edited. Hopefully it will be joined by Shootout if MEB Productions release it to us. For those of you that haven't seen it, it can be found here. Ooh two links in one page, I am feeling fancy. This has been a bit more of a return to the diary/news style blog that it started as and less of a Fearg working up material sounding board that it became. However, I like jokes. Here is one of my latest;
"If you cycle the same route twice, is that re-cycling?"

Good night.
xx

Hello again

2008-11-25T16:32:00.002Z

Hello there everyone! (the more I say that the more I feel that I'm writing to myself...hmmmm)

I hope you are all happy out there in the wonderful binary world of the internet.

I am writing to you today from the veritable chasm of glory (poon intended..oh dear) that is my new macbook pro, with which I am very happily betrothed. That fact that it is once again stopping me from going to the gym is...well...my problem so...jog on!!

The arrival of this fantasmic [made up word] machine herald a new age in terms of writing...for me at least...as I now have the tools to continue work on our next project. I do not however have the software yet but i'll be on it by the end of the week.

As far as musings this week have gone; I mused yesterday that I had once again forgotten to blog, thus inspiring this impromptu bloggage [pronounced blog-ag-e...you know what you're thinking now]

Right, after much deliberation and a smidgin of shit blog, I leave you for now with the thought of animals. Think of them and they will...er...not know about it.

farewell

Blogolga

xxx

Glasses made from...things

2008-11-17T21:10:00.002Z

Yes, my glasses are arriving tomorrow. I shall be wearing them on my face and thus seeing things more clearly, especially now the rain has gone.

Now, contrary to popular belief I am not pregnant, but have in fact been out of the country and thus not dealing with my tax, of course these two things are not linked in anyway......

While I was away though I was killed...stabbed to be precise by a 16 stone Yorkshireman (one word?) but not before being hit over the head with a 2x4 (luckily not a 4x4...do people have that problem when D.I.Y'ing? You ask for a 4x4 and some Swiss guy turns up with a big car? Or equally buying cars, you ask for a 4x4 and get an Irish guy with big bit of wood. Stereotypes here we go!). Before my death I also managed to be tied up with silver tape, thrown out of a house, have my face smashed into a step 3 times then stabbed and killed. A good death I feel.

For those of you that are wondering, I am not writing this from beyond the grave (wifi doesn't go that far from the house) but I am actually not dead! The showmanship I posess eh?!? I was actually 'killed' as part of the horror movie I was shooting somewhere in Northern France (the location is not a secret as such but I simply have no idea where we were.)

Happily I'm back in the UK now and am looking forward to getting a working computer of my own at the end of the week and getting well and truly stuck into writing the next intensely successful and typo-fere New Old Friends production! Having met, eaten 12 Krispy Kreme Doughnuts and found a hat with the fairly feline yet feverishly flamboyant Feargus both he and I have formed the foundations for freely flowing fortuitous feathre. In other words decided to come up with a new idea.

This idea will do something...for a moment I thought it might blow your minds but I've reconsidered and decided that kind of sexual activity would perhaps not be best suited to the interior of the cranium and could become quite messy quite quickly, so I went for 'do something' instead. A good choice I feel.

I hope you are all well...(is that a full sentence or is there more to come? Tune in to the...ah fuck it that'll do.

Josh BLOGOLGA
x

Fearg on Fridays

2008-11-14T21:18:00.003Z

Yes yes y'all.

Very quick blog because I'm watching Clear and Present Danger. It's got Harrison Ford in it but they refrain from nuking any fridges. Which is always a bonus. Some smooth talking talking Columbian has just pulled some fairly awesome moves. NOW THERE IS AN NIGERIAN GUY TALKING ABOUT KILLING 110 WITCH CHILDREN!
What is wrong with our society that makes that an acceptable evenings viewing. A Columbian sweet talking an honest American girl? Shocking.

I want a chocolate bar. I cannot have one. A brilliant example of living within one's means there.

Why is Hovis the only product on the market that prides itself on NOT having changed, evolved, improved? Are they trying to convince us that life was really better in black and white. Although it's not really black and white is it? It's sepia.

They use floppy disks in the film. The IT guy is Fish from Ally MacBeal. Double nostalgia blast. Why in the fudge were floppy disks called floppy disks? They were rock hard. I once beaned one full pelt into a kid's face leaving him a nasty scar. Ironically his initials were CD. Is that ironic? No, not really.

Light on laughs. Sorry. Have I mused to you fine people about the Jewish celebration of the amputated foreskin? Merry Brismas!

Bye byw.

Fearg on Fridays

2008-11-07T11:47:00.002Z

In the past week two things happened that have been largely ignored by the press. Firstly we had a huge, organised terrorist attack last Friday which seems to almost have been edorsed by the media. And later that night I single handedly defeated terrorism.

The first of my weighty claims - The Attack.
Ok, so 31st October 2008 an entire generation of brainwashed youths prepare themselves to go out and spread a doctrine alien to these shores, demanding that thier requests be met in full for fear of criminal retribution. That is terrorism. People using fear (the fear of egg on your windows) in order to acheive their goals is terrorism. Trick or Treat? No different from the bloodiest fatwah you'll ever see. Ok a little bit different in execution (no pun you sicko) but in essence the same. Also, in this age of rampant paedophiliaphobia (what a word) has noone pointed out that sending children round to people's houses offering 'tricks' is tantamount to pimping? A trick is slang for having sex for money "Turning tricks on the boat to Calais" Blondie.

Next my defeat of terrorism.
Alright. This one is simple. The act of terrorism is to strike terror into the hearts of your foe and use this fear to acheive your ends. Well all we need to do is stop being scared of them. If we turned into a bunch of nihilists that welcome death as part of life then they have no weapon. Equally am I the only one that feels our governments and media aren't helping the situation? They seem complicit in keeping the population as scared as humanely possible, whereas to me the most logical answer to terrorism would be raising people's spirits. Also, the moniker terrorist plainly supports their aim. I know that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet, but really if you brought you girlfriend a bunch of Vadgejuicers is she going to be smiling? So why not re-brand terrorists with a less fearful name, like cutesypies? "There has been an attack by the cutesypie group." Instantly I'm less petrified, more tickled.

Final though on the subject - What do you call Osama bin Laden's spunk?

TERRORGISM!

Goodnight Seattle.

2008-10-31T19:09:00.002Z

It seems foolish to blog on anything other than the ridiculous furore over what has been dubbed "Manuelgate".

Firstly lets start with that laughably nonsensical name Manuelgate. It stems, in case you are unaware, from Russell Brand aided by Jonathon Ross ringing the actor who played Manuel in Fawlty Towers (Andrew Sachs) and leaving obscene messages about fucking his granddaughter. That's Sachs' granddaughter not Brand's. The prank was stupid but we'll get there. So...Manuelgate. What the tabloids have done there is to take the Richard Nixon Watergate scandal and replace water with Manuel. But the Watergate Scandal was a scandal that took place at the Watergate hotel, it had NOTHING to do with water. So Manulgate means Nada, zilch, squat, and other synonyms that I can't be bothered to research.

Second on to the act itself. It was a puerile, lazy and not very funny prank. If this was a matter of comic worth then the outrage would almost be understandable. But its not. Various other DJs do far more moronic things and nobody cares. There is an entire E4 show devoted to prank calls, but as the recipients aren't famous the population chortles, at least I assume that is what fonejacker is about I don't watch it so that was potentially a lazy uniformed statement. Actually even if that is what the show is about the statement is still lazy and uniformed it just also happens to be true. Ok, so we've established that it was a dumb joke not funny enough to warrant upsetting anyone certainly not an aging actor who brought laughs out of a far wider cross-section of the viewing the public than either of our protagonists. But was it really that out of line?

Brand's show is(was) frequently lauded for it's "breathtaking freshness" which was largely put down to "his anarchic wit". So he was just doing what he was paid all that money to do - be anarchic, break rules. Be a professional twat. It was up to his editors to make sure he didn't cross a line, which he did. What Ross was doing only he knows. One suspects that if you are earning £16million you start to feel a little too cosy and safe and want to cut loose once in a while, tough life huh? Ross used to be a mere peddlar of smut, then he got his new contract and he became a peddlar of smug. Back to the matter at hand, the girl in question that Ross claimed Brand had fucked is a professional slut. What?! I hear you cry. It's true Andrew Sachs' granddaughter is a professional slut. Not liableous, true. She dances with the "Satanic Sluts" burlusque group. Or at least she did before Max Clifford took over her PR.

Anyway, I've forgotten where I was really going with this. I think my point is basically that this whole thing got WAY out of hand. Wow, Fearg you are so insightful I almost pooped myself.

Tata

Fearg on Fridays

2008-10-24T19:32:00.005+01:00

This week. I'm giving my brief views on the top news stories.

That is my economy crisis image. Now, the economic climate is a little chilly granted. But has anyone actually been affected by it? Obvioulsy Iceland got fucked and so did a few banks. But has anyone you've actually met been touched by it? My overdraft seems to be working fine and I'm with the bloody Halifax. Speaking of Halifax (part of HBOS) if they're so bloody skint then how can they still afford to keep putting on those fucking singing adverts? Who gives me extra? Well you do, but its not yours to give is it you smug suited shit-bag?

Alun Cochrane joke - "If you had one of these 125% mortgages that means that somebody walking past your house owns more of your house than you do. You own negative 25% of your own house.

That was this week's top-story. THE ECONOMY.

Do you know who that is? That's Jean Charles de Menezes' brother and mother that is. What do you mean who is Jean Charles de Menezes? How we forget. He was the Brazillian dude that got shot when he jumped a barrier at a tube station because "he looked a bit asiany." That might not be an actual quote from the Met, but it's not far off. The reason it's in the news is because the bloke what shot him is upset about it. Quite right too. I feel for the copper, he was just doing his job. That's the problem with using lethal force innit? We've heard what happens when people 'just do their jobs' haven't we? Have you not SEEN Schindler's List? Or read the book Schindlers Ark, truly it's called an Ark in the book and not once do any of the little Yiddish children walk in two by two I was gutted. Just so you can see the ridiculousness of de Menezes' death I'll show a picture of him next to the bloke the police thought he was. You're kidding me right? ONLY ONE OF THEM IS BLACK!

That was JEAN CHARLES dE MENEZES' KILLER CRIES IN COURT

THIRD STORY US GENERAL ELECTION. AMERICA VOTE FOR THIS MAN.

Goodnight.

Golga in France

2008-10-20T22:02:00.006+01:00

Mister Golga is currently filming in France. Well la-dee-fucking da. I would have thought after nearly four weeks off he'd be champing at the bit to get back blogging regularly. But he's not so this instalment of the blog will be light on wordy humour, BIG on webby humour. By webby humour I don't mean spidey spunk, I mean world wide web. So on with the plagurism...

Fearg on Fridays

2008-10-17T21:16:00.002+01:00

Boom!
We're back in business. Blogging is the new shitting, it's best to do it regular. Both are great, but a really long one loses its fun and the best short are fat and filled with shitty/bloggy goodness.

So...Bananaman would be weird in real life, huh? Is that like the opposite of a potassium difficiency? Badum, bum, cha! If you burn a CD why does it not melt? Badum, bum, cha! Cured ham? I don't want cured ham. I want never was ill ham. I want totally clean bill of health always ham. I want this ham was a medical marvel ham. Although I realise that this ham was in fact not ham, but a pig. Badadadadadada dum cha. Apu bizarre name - A poo. Is that racist? Probably. Dumbells - Their name implies that people started off lifting actual bells with no ring a dumb bell. Dumb as in mute. Not intellectually lacking devices for calling people to prayer. Badum bum cha! I'm dropping the badum bum cha now. Badum Bum cha. (That was the sound of them hitting the floor. COME ON THAT'S COMEDY GOLD!) Caps lock, short for capital lock, capital punishment is punishment by death, imagine a capital lock, you leave your bike at the station and kill it just so no-one else can use it. I'm making all this up as I go by the way. The sound of music, thats just music you stupid fucking nun. Tottenham are bottom of the Premiership. That's only really a joke is you're an Arsenal fan or hate Tottenham for absolutely NO reason like me. No, I'm not an anti-semite. The reason Venison's expensive is obvious, it's deer! If you inhale instant coffee powder it makes you kind of coughy. "Fly me to the moon, let me play amongst the stars, let me see what snow is like on Jupiter and Mars. In other words, hold my hand." In other words hold my hand Frank? You're really stretching that 'in other words' part aren't you? At what point during "Fly me to the moon, let me play amongst the stars, let me see what snow is like on Jupiter and Mars" do you even get close to even hinting at wanting to hold my hand? I have a silver A on my shelf. True story. I was walking home this evening and a goth was walking along with his head down, long hair swinging to his goth-rock, and he walked right into a lampost. SO HAPPY! Me, not him. Don't feel bad about laughing at goths hurting themselves and not being happy, they actively dislike being happy which is handy for them because the second they're happy, they are like - BOOM - not happy, which ironically pleases them, making them happy then BOOM unhappy, resulting in happy times and so on and so forth right into a lampost.

The majority of this is not funny, but by sheer weight numbers some of that shit has to be comedy gold! Goodnight and god bless.

Fearg

2008-10-15T16:32:00.003+01:00

I'm back.

The somewhat underwhelming return of Blogolga from the USA and Canada!

How are you my children. Good I do so desperately hope.

My trip to L.A. as i'm sure you're all drooling to know about (you might want to get a cloth for that...) was intensely intense, stimulatingly stimulating and pretty damn good really.

We began in L.A. and love the place...to all of you naysayers (spelling?) I say nay right back at you. L.A. is nice...or at least the nice bits are...which is where we were. Venice beach was...shall we say interesting as the man on rollerskates playing the guitar all day, everyday shall stand (roll) to prove. Next came Santa Barbara (who says hello), Carmel (which is expensive), Monterey (which was apparently completetly made of Jazz), and San Fransisco (who don't care if you crash the rental car so long as it didn't happen in Mexico). For legal reason I felt it best to stop writing a list-ish thing at this point and interject a totally superfulous (spelling?) sentence. Next came Porland (which was both haky and sacky...not like Paul but like a small sack of beads intended for kicking...), then Eugiene (again not the guy that works for the theatre in Bath...or is it Bristol?...but the small small small town where we walked the dogs and walked along the beach and hung out with Uncle Tony [not Jago]), Seattle was next (with all it's space and needle and other fallic buildings, and fish smelling fish markets that we didn't see, and the coffee shop in Frasier that we looked for but didn't really exist, and suprisingly not a single drop of rain!).

Then came Canada.

Canada rules. (Nothing more shall be said on the subject so as to pre-empt (spelling?) any dis-service done to it by my writing.)

Oh and just incase you were wondering, yes my hands are smaller than Will Smith's, and my feet, but you know what they say about small feet...Will Smith doesn't have small feet. Yeah.

(p.s. I am intending to change the world)

Ok so that pretty much sums up 3 weeks in a totally nonsensical paragraph...oh and I saw "Burn After Reading" and will say nothing more than "Report back to me when...er...when it makes sense."

On the wild wild westcountry frontier that is NEW OLD FRIENDS, (to be shouted from this point onwards...hence capslock), I've been back in the country for about a week and in the flurry of activity that has ensued not very much has happened.

Mate has been semi officially, quasi-semi-permenantly-ish put to the slightly less warm bit in the aga of life...or, we're not concentrating on pushing it so much. For several reasons...which are for us to know and for you to...er...well...not know...yet (unless Fearg or I have already told you in which case you know and you can ignore this whole paragraph really).

We have however decided that coming up with a new idea would infact be...a good idea, the only problem is making that new idea a good idea. So if you hear of any then please do let us know at the usual address.

Congratulations to Amy Patterson (for nothing more than leaving the company, hopefully Kofi Annan will reconsider his decision and come back in her wake...not that she's dead...we're not having a wake for her or anything I meant to fill the..er...just to come back.)

So new things are afoot for our heroes to endure. New writing, new material (silk is a nice choice), new experiences with latex gloves, and a new planet to inhabit.

Farewell Assman, this blog feels like...nonsense.

I look forward to hearing from you soon

Kind Regards

Josh Blogolga

Fearg on Fridays.

2008-10-03T16:05:00.002+01:00

Ok. I missed last week. I'm sorry. I was having my pubes died. I know. Gross. But now I have a fine pubic thatch in all the colours of the rainbow. What's that? The rainbow is the universally known flag for a gay bar/club/domicile? Oh man. My cock is a gay bar! In fairness only really tiny gay guys are going to be able to fit inside.

Um... You know half way through successful serieses (series'? Seriei?) halfway through successful shows, they do a lazy ass cut and paste recap the best bits show? Yeah? I hate those too. Well... BYE!

You know the expression "You can't choose who you fall in love with."? Well it's total bollocks isn't it? You wouldn't say to a black-hating KKK memeber "Oh well, you can't choose who you hate." Why are we only supposed to be able to control our negative emotions? It's definitely a valid point, it's just not funny.
Final quip - Do you say either (ee-ther) or either (eye-the)? Now that, is funny.
I have now put myself on a government list by typing Q'ran, Quo'ran, Quran, and at one point even Quorn into Google. Isn't it funny that shitty flavourless tofo is very similar etymologically to one of the most divisive texts in the world?
Do you think that the number a googol feels inadequate now? It used to be sat there with all of it's zeros (100 to be exact) thinking it was freaking HUGE, then Google comes bastardizes it and turns it into something bigger even than 10 and 100 noughts.
Buddhists are awesome though, I love it when they protest. Just setting themselves on fire. That is serious dedication. Imagine someone from the Church of England doing it, it's far more likely they would just drink a cup of tea before it had sufficiently cooled and point out that they were scalding their tongue. Pussy Anglicans. Pussy Angling!! What a fantastic euphemism for going on the pull."I'm off out tonight.""Oh yeah? Pussy Angling?""No. Just a quiet one with the lads."
The other day I saw my mighty mate T'alan, he informed me he had burnt his thumb quick as flash I retorted "What in the piss were you cooking your thumb for?"
Do you think there is a case of libel in the Bible? I mean Judas can't have been THAT much of an dick could he? "Yes I believe you are God incarnate, but all the same you don't hang out with me enough and I could really use thirty pieces of silver...")
the entirely fictional Dalton Towers a theme park dedicated to the work of the fourth man to play Bond
thesaurus was in fact pronounced thee-ah-soar-us. Which quite frankly is much cooler. I think kids would be far more likely to take an interest in the English language if they could imagine a dinosaur with a really freaking good vocabulary rather than just a book
am I the only one that finds Nintendo Wii's slightly unnerving? I'm walking round shopping centres and I can't tell if kids are spoiled or abused "Muuhuuhuum I want a WEE!!!" Do I need to get this kid to a toilet or does he just need to learn that sometimes you have to wait to get what you want?
gexercise (geek exercise)
the internet, for those on northern computers that's t'internet
West Country Deskarts - "I reckon, therefore I is"
They call me captain, first name cap second name tin."
I'm the engineer, it wasn't my first choice career. I wanted to be a marine biologist.
drunken revolution and a pissed resistance, as in pieste de la resistence
PIN number is a tautology? Personal Insurance Number Number.
Not a big one for dating. Mating yes, dating no.
SEXUAL REFERENCES!! What a great comedy notion. Before you get down and dirty with someone they go "Um...could I just get your sexual references before we go any further?" And you have to give them the numbers of your two most recent partners!

Boom! Rubbish blog complete!

Fearg on Fridays

2008-09-20T11:00:00.003+01:00

I know - This blog is late.

I know - This blog is the only entry this week.

I know - This blog is a bit shit.

I know - This blog is formulaic.

I know - This blog is becoming hypnotic.

I know - This blog is despotic.

I know - This blog is making less sense.

I know - This blog is in dire need of a style change.

I know all this but can't seem to stop myself. Ah, phew I did it.

Ok, blog fans. The blog system seems to be in melt-down, Blogolga said he had arranged a replacement for his time away in the States but it appears this is untrue. The lovely Amy Patterson has in fact had to leave the company because she's had an amazing opportunity handed her that would clash, more on that at a later date. And now the super-reliable Fearg has let you down. All four of you.

As for why my blog is late/shit. I've had a very busy week. I started the week in Belgium where I had the most surreal experience of my life . The picture you can see opposite is me in costume with the Natural Theatre Company at Bombosj festival in Leuven (home of Stella) Belgium. Whilst dressed like this entertaining the crowds I was hit by AN ELEPHANT! Not somebody dressed as an elephant but an actual elephant. Madness. The rest of the time spent over there was excellen great food (free) and great lager (free) I was staying literally across the road from the main Stella brewery although drank mainly Leffe.

In other news, it's been a pretty great week personally but a little shitty New Old Friend-ily. We lost the lovely Amy Patterson. We also failed to make the cut in the 4Talent awards. BOO! However, we do have a solid booking for the tour. It is only a single date though because it is in Bath and we've already played here, the theatre has said they'll give us a production week for any new material we might write though, which is great to hear. My personal highlights of the week include an audition with the highly respected Bristol Old Vic, some lovely Natural Theatre Co feedback, some work for the Theatre Royal Bath, and hearing that I got the audition for the role I was already playing at the Roman Baths. That's not as daft as it may appear, they are making a video of the characters on the kids tour for the Baths I do a 'costumed interpretation' of one of them but still had to audition for the video. The cheek! I should have been given the part by right. Well I've got it now and it's not too bad money. This blog is a bit thin comedically, I'm well aware of that. I'm just trying to squeeze it out before heading into work. I did have a revelation yesterday on the subject of love, or more accurately emotions. It's not funny, but it's good. You know the expression "You can't choose who you fall in love with."? Well it's total bollocks isn't it? You wouldn't say to a black-hating KKK memeber "Oh well, you can't choose who you hate." Why are we only supposed to be able to control our negative emotions? It's definitely a valid point, it's just not funny.

Final quip - Do you say either (ee-ther) or either (eye-the)? Now that, is funny.

Fearg on Fridays

2008-09-12T18:25:00.002+01:00

Oi oi!
How we doing then? I do believe that not a soul read my blog in the stead of Miss Patterson and that is a travesty because I also believe it may just have been my finest to date. You bumholes.
Great Jimmy Carr joke (It's not an oxymoron) - "Some terrorists know the Qur'an backwards, which is handy because that's the way you read it!" Very good joke I thought. Although I have now put myself on a government list by typing Q'ran, Quo'ran, Quran, and at one point even Quorn into Google. Isn't it funny that shitty flavourless tofo is very similar etymologically to one of the most divisive texts in the world? Madness. Not Islam, the English language. Whilst I was over at Google I indulged my post-modern side and 'googled' Google, it came up with Google as you might expect. I then got really Post Modern (note the capitals) and 'googled' Googling Google, it came up with among other things "A deal with NASA?" which amused me. Do you think that the number a googol feels inadequate now? It used to be sat there with all of it's zeros (100 to be exact) thinking it was freaking HUGE, then Google comes bastardizes it and turns it into something bigger even than 10 and 100 noughts. Is Google evil? No. It's not sentient, it can't be. Settled that one pretty quick. Of course the company may well be, but then again aren't all companies taken far enough evil? I know if someone offered me and Josh total creative control and a whole lot of money to make plays and TV shows and films for the rest of our lives but we had to pee on an old Buddhist lady's carefully arranged zen garden we'd do it in a second. Or 13 seconds which is the average length of time for an adult male's urination process.

Buddhist's are great aren't they? Have you ever hit a Buddhist? Yes? Well you're a total cock then, leave. Buddhists are awesome though, I love it when they protest. Just setting themselves on fire. That is serious dedication. Imagine someone from the Church of England doing it, it's far more likely they would just drink a cup of tea before it had sufficiently cooled and point out that they were scalding their tongue. Pussy Anglicans. Pussy Angling!! What a fantastic euphemism for going on the pull.

"I'm off out tonight."
"Oh yeah? Pussy Angling?"
"No. Just a quiet one with the lads."

Excellent. Somebody write that down. Oh, I just did. It's really annoying being a comedy writer (I call myself that now, I've written something people have laughed, ergo, comedy writer) because as the late Mitch Hedburg said - "When I think of something funny I have to get a pen and write it down. If the pen is too far away or I can't find something to write on, I have to convince myself what I thought of was not funny." Too true Mitch. The other day I saw my mighty mate T'alan, he informed me he had burnt his thumb quick as flash I retorted "What in the piss were you cooking your thumb for?" Tadaa comedy gold. However, later that same evening I said something funnier, T'alan was polite enough to say "That's very funny The Fearg, you should write that and the thumb one down." Now, the repetition of thumb lodged that into my brain, the other amusing quip is lost forever to the ether. You're reading the thumb bit going "It's not really that funny Fearg." Believe me with the right treatment it's funny. People weren't sure about having sex with the voice-over man from the cinema until "Coming soon........Me". Believe, funny.

There has been a lot of belief and faith in this blog. I started off believing things, ended entreating you to believe, and in the middle dealt with at least three of the world's major faiths. I'll start calling myself a theologian now as well as a comedy writer. Or maybe I'll write comedy religions, like the spin-off sect for Scientologists - Biologytologists.

Umm?

2008-09-10T22:51:00.005+01:00

Hmm... A cursory glance toward my chest confirms I am not Amy Patterson. Which is more of a disappointment to me than to you let me assure you. Still, I'm not sure if the delightful Miss P is obligated to blog anymore. As she said in her last (as in previous rather than final I hope) world wide web-log (yes that's where it comes from web-log) she has demoted herself from manager to administrator which means she does exactly as little or as much as she is asked. She's like a wife from the 50s! She was never the most punctual of bloggers when she was in her managerial role so why should she be now? In her stead you have me. Have you figured out which one I am yet? Curly haired short one or newly short-haired tall one?

Here's a pic of the pair -

And I can confirm that I am the pick of the pair. Now when you pick a pawpaw or a prickly pear, and you prick a raw paw next time beware. Don't pick the prickly pear by the paw, when you pick a pear try to use the claw. I mean it's simple advice guys please try to follow it. Josh should be ahead of you all in guessing which one I am. Oh...There it goes if I'm not Josh I must be me, and this must mean I'm just obscene - or something like that.

I've had a very busy few days with everyone under then sun seaming to come to Bath and wanting to have a beaver's age with the Fearg. (That's a pun that needs a WHOLE lot of work). One of my many friends to have put in an appearance is the fantastically monikered T'Alan. He was dubbed thus by The Fearg in the heady days of Alton Tower's scarefest. Now for reasons of libel (Do you think there is a case of libel in the Bible? I mean Judas can't have been THAT much of an dick could he? "Yes I believe you are God incarnate, but all the same you don't hang out with me enough and I could really use thirty pieces of silver...") I can't say how I felt about that work. But I can write about my work at the entirely fictional Dalton Towers a theme park dedicated to the work of the fourth man to play Bond. It was a whole pile of unholy gash. My sweet lord it was like chowing down on Osama Bin Laden's perrinium after a hard days terrorizing in the desert. Mmmm.... Salty terrorist gooch. Graham Gooch, great name, great tasch. Eeeeww If you break down GG's alliterative appellation it becomes Grey Ham Gooch, which conjures the image of a primogenital pig's puby pouch. Yeah alright I'll put down Roget's Thesaurus now. I'm not giving it back to the bugger though. I feel a bit sorry for old Roget, everyone wants his thesaurus but not his dictionaries, he must make one right? Nope dictionaries = Collins, or OED, or in the US Webster's. I own a copy of Webster's, it's very amusing to look into a dictionary and see words spelt wrong.

Here's a pic of me working at Dalton Towers as an Undertaker. Big fat hairy man balls.

Thesauruses are great aren't they? When I was little I was adamant (sadly I mean positive, sure, unrelenting, obdurate and other synonyms not the 80s pop legend and vocalist on seminal wong of the decade Stand & Deliver. Did you know he held up a pub at gun-point shouting "I'm the Dandy Highwayman!" He was sectioned shortly afterward, or maybe before, to be honest I'm not that big of a fan. Great make up though. Wow, this is a LONG bracket interruption, bad writing Feargy, bad writing. No signs of it stopping either. I mean do you even know where we are in the main thrust of this paragraph anymore? I certainly don't, oh wait I remember. Are you ready for the end paragraph thing? I though it was called a parenthesis but thats this...) that thesaurus was in fact pronounced thee-ah-soar-us. Which quite frankly is much cooler. I think kids would be far more likely to take an interest in the English language if they could imagine a dinosaur with a really freaking good vocabulary rather than just a book. I mean, that could inspire a love of words that could drag an otherwise lost soul out of the underclass that Maggie T so lovingly created. It could propel a chav from a life of ASBOs and shanks to Wordsworth and Joyce.

Doo doo da da doo doo...Scatting on a blog. I love good scat music but never image google scat, it is not pretty. Cartman's mom has nothing on these German freaks. Speaking of scat, am I the only one that finds Nintendo Wii's slightly unnerving? I'm walking round shopping centres and I can't tell if kids are spoiled or abused "Muuhuuhuum I want a WEE!!!" Do I need to get this kid to a toilet or does he just need to learn that sometimes you have to wait to get what you want? And as for Wii Sports, when I was a kid wee sports were the high jump (how high can you get that stream?) and hockey (moving those weird little yellow cubes around the trough).

It's late. So some actual New Old Friend news - WE MAY HAVE BEEN BOOKED FOR OUR FIRST DATES ON THE TOUR! Ian from the Rondo is very interested, and we are in talks with both Theatre Cymru and the White Bear in London. The Cymru theatre is in Wales if you hadn't gathered that.

Right then, I think this blog has gone on far enough. One more little pic, but this time I'm gonna put it on the left just for shits and giggles.

How awesome do I look in that hat? Got to love it.

Byesey bye?

Ending on a question mark, what does that say about the entire tone of the blog? 400 words, discuss.

Blogurday

2008-09-08T20:50:00.002+01:00

Hello there everybody and welcome to the blog once more. It's a mighty exciting time, this whole end of summer, beginning of Autumn nobody really knows what the hell is going on time of year.

It certainly is an exciting time for you all as you get to read another of the phenominal blogs from ourselves at New Old Friends.

We're still plodding along with preparations for a possible outing at Brighton Festival 2009, but are currently also exploring more avenues for both ourselves personally as actors/managers/circus performers/Manchester City Footballer's.

I'm off to LA in exactly a week and am beginning to really look forward to it now, if for no other reason than to wear my shorts and actually feel warm! Flights are booked, rental car is booked and places to stay have been arranged. now all that is left to do is to arrange where to meet the lovely people who've agreed to say hello. Hopefully the great Chris Bean will be around along with Javier Ronceros....who knows!!!

Just to keep you updated, I've also now secured the services of a new bed/matress combo and am in the process of investigating a new laptop (Macbook). Where is the money for this coming from you may ask. Well to be honest I don't know and am planning to worry about that later...much later.

Apologies for this blog centering around my life a little much but unfortunately I have to live it so it's relatively easy to write about without being a too much of a tit...although it is boring.

More and better news and blogs will be coming soon! (Although more than likely not from me)

Just before I go...I fully intend to blog as per normal whilst I'm away but just incase I don't then you have my sincerest apologies...although now I'm thinking I might just organise a stand in blogger in my wake...hmmmm......

Speak to you soon.
love you.
Bye.
Josh Blogolga + distinct lack of comedy.

Fearg On Fridays

2008-09-05T19:46:00.003+01:00

Bang and the dirt is gone!

Today's blog will be punctuated with various bits and pieces of stuff that I find online as I don't really have a subject to blog about. Bits and pieces such as this -

"Will Smith was born Willard Christopher Smith Jr on September 25th, 1968 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania."

Or this -

You may be asking me "What is this filth Fearg?!" But it's not filth, or rather it is, but it's political filth. This is a satirical doodle of Sarah Palin, the potential next Vice President if America goes nuts for the third election running. Politics aside, how great will it be to say that the President of the USA is abumma. He he he, puerile but kinda funny too. Back to the smut over on the right for a second, she's known as the sexy librarian and was selected by Mr Oven Chips (McCain. It's moderately amusing in the UK.) because of her strong Christian beliefs and morals. Then her daughter comes out and says she's pregnant after unmarried sex! Got to suck to be McCain right now. Other things to note about the doodle are the fact that she is clearly hotter than both Hilary and Maggie T which is a plus, although obviously soon Maggie T will be the hottest women ever as she burns for all eternity in the sulphuric pits of the deepest circle of hell for all eternity. Ah, a comforting thought and one which Palin (no relation to the Python) would approve of. Evidently Palin also likes the Seahawks who have just announced Maurice Morris as their starting RB, in the US not funny once again, but in the UK his name is pronounced Morris Morris! Yes.

Um...Time for another random web-snippet methinks.

I don't think that needs an explanation, I think it's pretty much said all it's going to say. No bolt-of-lightning0-revelations here. Speaking of Bolt, he's pretty bloody fast isn't he? Although I reckon I could beat his world record if Natalie Portman was stood at the other end going "You've got exactly 9.32 seconds to get here otherwise I'm off." OR if Maggie T was stood behind me saying "You've got exactly 9.32 seconds to get over there or I'm getting on." In the bone-chilling event of the latter I reckon I'd probably also break his 200m record and all. And Michael Johnson's 400m, and Kipketer's 800m, Ngeny's 1000, All three of El Guerrouj's. Although they wouldn't count because I'd run in a straigh line. So hopefully she's be dead after the 200. Not because I think she's catch me, but just because she's be dead.

Ta ta, I'm off to eat things.

OH MY GOD! I FORGOT TO BLOG!!!

2008-09-04T15:51:00.004+01:00

Were the words that came out of my mouth about 30 seconds ago. Honestly, so rubbish, particularly as there have been many hints that it is now in fact THURSDAY today e.g. Benny coming back from Waitrose this morning with the Chronicle saying 'it's the new one out today, they come out on a thursday don't they?' and then five minutes later saying 'Oh yeah, it's thursday, lets put the rubbish out' and then me agreeing, 'oh yes, they collect the rubbish on thursdays don't they?' and other conversations around the fact that it's thursday.

Anyhoo! had a bit of a crazy week. Had an AWESOME time at the Dirtymouth Regatta! Got drunk and silly with old friends. Then had a brilliant day at the Amnesty International Headquarters in Londinium talking about jounalism ethics and freedom of speech etc. Tuesday included a lovely drinky with Fearg followed by more drinkies and plenty of dancing (including irish) at moles.

Don't have a lot more bits and bobs to talk about. After the lovely drinky avec Fearg we have decided on a more comfortable role for me - Company Administrator - Which generally means I'm happy to email and phone call and publicise etc but at the request of you lovely people rather than off my own back, if that makes any sense...

Must go now, busy watching flog it and drinking tea i'm afraid! However, click on where it says 'OH MY GOD! I FORGOT TO BLOG' for a veritable Youtube treat! ooh, Rolfy!

Love love,
Breasts

Blisters

2008-09-01T22:41:00.002+01:00

I have blisters. On both my heels and they hurt. I'm not whining I'm simply letting you know that I have blisters. Appreciate them, and now let's move on.

Good Evening.

I apologise for the tardiness of this blog of mine but I've been playing football (getting blisters) for a large proportion of the day today and thus have not yet blogged...until now.

Presently I'm trying to sort out some car hire for my time in LA and beyond, and also am trying to find cool things to see and do on the West Coast of America.

I've just decided this blog is going to be relatively short. I don't know why but I'm feeling succinct for soem reason, which is weird.

New Old Friends wise we're stepping up the tour scheduling and Festival investigating this week so keep you're eyes un peeled as peeling them would hurt alot and leave you somewhat blind...nearly typed bling then, it would be a much better result if when you peeled your eyes you simply became bling. So much for succinct. Equally all the 4Talent Awards stuff has been sent off and recieved and we're only a few minutes away from winning (If that's true I'll peel my eyes..without blinging)

Wednesday is the final final final day of filming for Dark Revolution. We're reshooting a hospital scene in an actual hospital setting rather than in the mock up Hospital we did before, so that'll be better. Other than that I'll be watching more Buffy The Vampire Slayer as has been my recent gexercise (geek exercise) and possibly playing football again this Sunday.

Oh and I might head down to Bath for some New Old Friending at some point before the 15th September.

Woop Woop for money from t'egg also.

love to all y'all
Josh Blogolga
xxx

P.S. Unfortunately Kofi Annan has had to be relieved of his duties as office manager as he has been transfered to Manchester City for a record fee of £36million. He is currently the only former UN secretary general playing Premier League football. Good Luck Kofi, may this new venture treat you well.

Fearg on Fridays (no number, we're past that now. It's a lot though, an awful lot. That's not to say the lot is awful, rather a figure of speech.)

2008-08-30T01:14:00.002+01:00

Alright motown honkies?

Cool cool, this blog is brought to you be the healing powers of King Fisher lager. More on that story later.

First up, Kofi Anan hacks into New Old Friends blog post. World fails to notice. Who is reading this thing? I'll tell you one person who is, my father. Which casts a whole new light on the whole Anitipodean sister story of two weeks hence doesn't it? I mean it was amusing to read and stuff, but probably not amusing enough considering my pater familias was going to read it.

I have just finished a week of Summer Schooling, I 'taught' some kids drama over the past week. It was pretty awesome to be honest, we did all kinds of stuff with them culminating in a show this afternoon. It had video, projection, text, dance, animation, it couldn't be more zeitgeisty, except we had freaking jokes in ours. We didn't do it po-faced serious. The kids were incredible, so very funny. One came up with the line "They call me captain, first name cap second name tin." COME ON!!! It was set on board a space ship another classic impr line "I'm the engineer, it wasn't my first choice career. I wanted to be a marine biologist." Both delivered in a dead pan way even the most experienced comic performer wouldn't get near.

More recently I've just got home from a lovely evening with Amy, Ben, & Tiffany. It was lovely, save for the fact that it felt a little like a double date with me and Tiffany expected (but failing) to get it on. Apart from the latent sexual tension it was a lovely evening. We went for a curry, which was great although it did mean I had two dinners this evening. Hang on, ALTHOUGH? That implies this isn't a brilliant thing, I mean AND, or WHICH FUCKING AWESOMENELLY MEANT, the grammar may be questionable on that last one but the sentiment is there.

I wanted to end this blog with some funny word-pun (tautology) about having a drunken revolution and a pissed resistance, as in pieste de la resistence(sp). But I'm pissed so failed. Ah well. Have you ever thought that PIN number is a tautology? Personal Insurance Number Number.

This blog was brought to you by Tygve Lie, Dag Hammarskold, U Thant, Butros Butros-Ghali, and Ban Ki Moon. The other ridiculously named secretary generals.

I will offer a prize to anybody who comments on this blog who is not related to New Old Friends by two steps.
xx

A blog by Amy Patterson

2008-08-28T11:19:00.002+01:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This is not a blog by Amy Patterson It is infact a blog by ME Kofi Annan! Former UN Secretary General! To hell with all this world poverty and stopping wars and all that kind of shit these days I'm all about New Old Friends. Infact when Josh and Fearg approached me to be their new office administrator I think my exact words were..."Fuck Mugabe where can I get some chicken round this joint. Sure I'll be you're office administrator, only thing is things just ain't the same for gangsters. D'you get me?!" So now I'm in and I'm here and I'm gonna blog just like the rest of these bitches.

Peace out
Kofi

Ghetto Superblog

2008-08-25T11:34:00.002+01:00

Why Hello!

Fancy finding all of you avid New Old Friends fans here, reading through our scintilating yet extensive back catalogue of blogs! Yeah, yeah, that blog was great, how we laughed.

How are we all, out there in Blogland? Good I doo hope. Firstly I must apologise for my lack of blogging last Monday. I fully intended to blog and even sat infront of the computer ready to type but if I remember correctly then some sort of food was served and I suddenly forgot how to walk or talk, my motor skills were gone, I was an eating machine, I was in fact James Eating Brown!.....sorry got lost in mate for a moment.

Speaking of which, aren't the video's grrrrrreat! If you're reading this and you aren't a member of the New Old Friends youtube channel then please go and sign up now, now, now! It's completely worth it and there will soon be more fascinating and hilarious videos being uploaded for your viewing pleasure, possibly very soon.

Today I'm off to pay a visit to the London offices of MEB Productions to get another edition of the trailer and a DVD copy of Shootout! So with any luck I'll be able to update you later on tonight as to how they both turn out.

Must go measure a bed now.
speak soon
bye.
Josh Blogolga

Fearg on Fridays XIII

2008-08-22T11:52:00.002+01:00

My Blog this week is not a written blog. I simply give you two videos, the first an interview with the cast of Mate before their debut show at the Theatre Royal Bath's egg, the second a trailer cut together by myself last night. I hope you enjoy.

Laziest blog ever! I might come back later on and add the funnies. Oh oh oh, like my West Country Deskarts - "I reckon, therefore I is"

xxx

blogidy blogidy blog blog...

2008-08-20T18:53:00.004+01:00

Amy is very very very busy right now - she has to write approx 8000 words in the next three days. Rubbish.

Also, she can't wait until Lindsay Baker is back and she can stop being him at the egg. I feel like I'm stuck in a dark, stuffy, administrative womb on a daily basis.

On the plus side, he is back in just over a week and then I can happily get waist deep in newoldfriendishness. Brilliant!!!

However, to make up for lack of suitable blogage and well thought out writing, i have given you the gift of Eliot. Click on where it says Blogidy blogidy blog blog and read the poem on the link in the safe knowledge that nothing I would have written, had i had all the time in the world, would have come close to it.

Um, need to go and write about jacobean drama now.

It's Ben's birthday on Saturday. What shall I buy him that will actually be a good present? Answers on a postcard to...

Might do some more photoshopping if i get bored.

Kisses xxx

HIJACK HIJACK HIJACK!!!

2008-08-19T15:47:00.005+01:00

Hello, I'm Josh, and as I have not yet blogged I have no control over what gets posted in my allotted timeslot. MWAHAHAHA

How I truely see the two of you.

Breasts. x

p.s. John helped!

p.p.s. Is it me or is Fearg hot in this pic! BAD feargus!

THIS ONE'S EVEN BETTER!!! But unfortunately I couldn't make it so that Fearg wore Smiths Hat, which, lets face it, is the best bit of the picture.

Fearg on Fridays XII

2008-08-15T13:01:00.007+01:00

Hello all,

This week has been off-the-freaking-hook-y'all. As they say in moronville. I've been up in Edinburgh with Josh, getting a grant to watch comedy shows - COME ON! It was only a little grant, translating into about 6/7 shows but it was well appreciated. I've seen some awesome acts up here, I've not really seen any terrible ones. But without wishing to sound like an arrogant mother-flipper, I've not yet seen a show in the same vein as Mate that was as good/funny. Like I say, I don't want to appear arrogant but I would give Mate about a 7/10 creeping to a 9 on a good day and that's plenty good enough to survive and indeed thrive up here on the mean-streets of the Burgh.

So yeah, that's been good. Although seeing all the tired eyes of various friends performing here who also have to flyer all day does make me question whether I'd really like to do that with Mate. But I think performing as part of this incredible festival would make up for it.

In other news, I had the best night of my life the other night. Partied with Stephen K Amos, making jokes in the toilet, for the entertainment of Roy Walker, Jason Byrne, Danny Bhoy, Danny Wallace, Tim Minchin, Ed Byrne, plus many others. Including, and wait for this because you may just poop your pants - Alun Cochrane. Ok, so I didn't actually make any jokes with him or indeed talk to him for that long but he did shake my hand and tell my to Email him. We're practically best friends right? Right? What do you mean, he's probably just being polite? Fudge you.

If you do get a chance to see anything up here this year I thoroughly recommend Minchin, Byrne (J), Jimeoin, and of course Cochrane. Was really nervous about seeing him because you know, what if he was crap? But he wasn't he was marvellous, made me laugh so hard I lost descriptive power and just laughed. Last night I watched him compere a Best of the Fest and he was equally funny, but has the same tendancy I do which is when he says something that he thinks is funny but the audience don't laugh he tells us it's funny. To quote Matthew Hocken (who's not famous he's a mate of mine) "It's not your job to tell me if something's funny, I'll judge that and let you know by whether I laugh or not." Which for the record is funny, as is Cochrane. I might search out a picture of Alun to stick on this page but I might not. If there's not one don't be angry with me but the last two nights have been pretty late.

The first one was all the stand-up schmoozing, which later on led to a brilliant experience in a grotty bed-sit with Australian sisters, I can't say anymore than that, but fuck me. And they did. Then last night, watched Best of the Fest which finishes at around 1.30/1.45 and I'd just bid Josh and birdio goodnight when I bumped into Ruth a colleague from the Naturals who took me out for a drink, which was lovely. Me and Ruth have just worked the one gig together so don't really know her that well, pleased to report that she is delightful, whilst having this drink I saw Fiona Jane Agar (again she's not famous, don't know why I've given you her full name, perhaps so you can facebook stalk her, I'm not sure) Fee, is one of my old friends from Bretton. One on whom I have to admit to a killer crush, even throughout the totally fidel Jackson years. So seeing her last night was great, she looks stunning still and I wasn't suprised to learn she is now a model. Ach well.

Right I best be off, still haven't added the Cochrane photo. But I'm leaning closer to doing so.

Night. Not night, afternoon. I need to tidy my sister's flat which she has kindly leant me. If you're reading this Loob, thankyou and don't worry the Aussie's were at their flat.

LOADS OF PICTURES OF COCHRANE!
Fearg

Breasts? You should see my melons!

2008-08-13T21:34:00.005+01:00

Hello boys!

Hope you're enjoying my photographic feasts. All courtesy of the facebook group 'pictures taken at exactly the right time. I really want to think that this was not photoshopped but i have a feeling it was. Oh well.

Blah blah blah.

Sorry, the blog will be a little dull this week. I have not had the thrills of Edinburgh to ignite my comedic flame. Did go to essex to see my little nephew tho. Me, Ben, EssexsisterZoe, ExetersisterLucy, LittlesisterJasmine and Maxdad Carl took littlemax to the farm and looked at the animals and then we went to the adventure playground. Of course, Max is only three months old so he didn't give a shit that he was at the park, but Ben had fun on the monkeybars.

I just had a Jacket potato with tuna for my dinner.

It rained all day today.

This picture makes me smile

Oh, something interesting happened to me on Saturday night. Tiffany and I went to 'the minibar' - a new cocktail bar in bath. We wore dresses and heels even though it was raining. Then I got chatted up by England Rugby player Matt Stephens in the mens toilets in OPA.

Yep, I've still got it. (not class or dignity obviously, but 'it').

Have shown my copy of MATE to everyone! Am very proud of it, shockingly so seeing as did not write any of it. If any of you want to ever take personal pride in any of my essays in future you're very welcome.

I think I'll stop blogging now. I've got the washing up to do and want to have a bath before I go to bed. Yep, Fucking rocking. I might even have a hot chocolate. Woah.

Anyone stormonthelawning it?

Love love, Breasts. xxx

p.s. this makes me laugh too.

the calm before the blog

2008-08-13T14:35:00.010+01:00

Just warming my blog muscles.

At work at the mo so cannot fully blog. There are children around.

But, for your pleasure, and in the spirit of the Olympics, I have posted some funny sporting photos.

Hahaha. Basketball.

Hahahaha, Football.

Hahaha. Ping pong and sick.

S'laters, Breasts

The sheer racism of it!

2008-08-11T11:20:00.002+01:00

Hello there, fancy finder you here! How are you? Yeah, good.

What would you people say if I told you a pigeon flew into a man's face?
Exactly! That's what we did. If you'd like to do the same all you need to do is fly to Edinburgh, come to the festival and then buy tickets and actually turn up to watch Mark Watson and the Pleasance. An experience that pleasant does not go far enough in describing.

Just to keep you up to date. We (Josh and Fearg) are unbelieveably brilliant at everything...except some things...sometimes...and perhaps more to the point we are in Edinburgh. We got here yesterday far far far too early thus ensuring that the worlds end was closed, preceeded by getting lost look ing for Cowgate (not colgate although we desperately need to buy some) and eneded up with breakfast in the Rabbie Burns Cafe.

The remainder of the day was spent in the meadows watching various comedians permorming to a varying standard followed by an evening of fun with Mark Watson.

So far the festival is extremely happy to have us here and 400,000 people have told us that
Mate is the best show on at the fringe and has won every award possible and some that have had to be invented in its honour. (The above statement may or may not be true)

Our plans for today are Alpha Males, Paul Merton's Impro Chums then....brace yourselves...tonight....the amazing....the bar bell using...the homous using...Death Defying...ALUN COCHRANE! (That right breasts read it and lactate!)

We may be forced to blog you again with news of his brilliance but equally we might not bother.

Equally, Paul Merton is sold out now so that's...ok and now Pauk Merton is not sold out...hmmm attention needed.

Hope all is good in gangstersville.
Blogolga & Sergio
xxx

I haven't re-read this and am struggling to see the screen so please excuse any type-o's and the ultimately boring content.

Fearg on Fridays XI

2008-08-08T10:45:00.008+01:00

Hoi hoi,

I'm off up to Londinium this afternoon to see Joshua, then we're flying up to Edinburgh festival to schmooze some peeps and see some comedy gold. Messrs Kitson & Cochrane will be viewed. That's quite enough diary style blogging, I just typed in Feargy & Feargus into google images and here are some of the results:

Ok, so this one's not too bad. It's not me, sadly I can't play the fiddle. But this one I'll take. They get worse.

I appear to be a girl now. It's a profile pic of who I don't know, but she has me in her interests "Feargy" so there you go, if this is you get in touch you look quite nice. Who am I kidding, you look like the sort that isn't too fussy about who they...you know...SO get in touch.

Ah, Father Jack. Well I'm not upset by this in any way, shape, or form. Google me and you'll arrive at a drunked Irish priest! I'm not even bloody Catholic (which is the faith's full name by the way - Bloody Catholicism)

A HORSE?! A HORSE? If you look closer you can see it's penis, which by horse standards isn't particularly impressive. So I'm not even a huge cock swinging horse but a Percy Puny Penis Pony.

Yeah, can't argue here this one's me.

I hope you have enjoyed my lazy, but EARLY blog. It's before twelve, you're lucky I'm awake let alone blogging. I'll let you in on a little secret, I'm not alone. I've been pressing the keys lightly so as not to wake her because....Well picture number five is a pretty good likeness actually.

Bye bye

xxx

BREASTS on writing

2008-08-06T22:51:00.004+01:00

Ooh, those are fookin beauts boys!

Hello. Sorry about the mini blog earlier - was working earlier and terribly busy but wanted to make very clear i am not shirking my responsibilities as a blogger. I just have trouble remembering the days of the week. Soz

Was very poorly earlier in the week. After Urban Hype (thanks Fearg) I spent the weekend peering through gunky eyes and shivering/sweating. Yep, fit. On a positive note i ate hardly anything for four days and then fitted into a really tiny dress on tuesday. Every cloud has a monochrome eighties-feel lining.

Oh no. i think i'm getting the writingrelatingtosex thing that fearg was on about. You see, to continue the very apt analogy (and this is probably more valid for the 'long term relationship' rather than the onenightstandishness), every now and again writing, whilst remaining an enjoyable method of passing the time, can feel rather uninspired and unoriginal. You're, as fearg says, pushing all the right buttons and perfectly good sentances are coming out, but nothing new is really happening, and after a little while you'll round it off to a nice satisfactory conclusion and then probably put the kettle on.

This is especially true of the long-termers, shall we call them the novelists, who already know their text so well they know the correct formula to bring the chapter to it's, ahem, climax. It is almost as if they are spoilt by the proximity of the laptop at any opportunity. The novelty of the novel writing is gone with it's immence availability. Also, the novel is more forgiving; with it's sprawling pages it is possible, when focussing upon a particular paragraph, to break the rhythm somewhat throwing off the chapter as a whole, but this is ok. With so many paragraphs in the book, it will be forgotton and only the perfectly timed and most perfect paragraphs will be reminised upon and quoted.

The onenightstander is closer to the poet. Every word must count, because as we know, if you read one poem that doesn't really grab you, you're not really likely to grab another. You must focus completely on the flow and movement of the words, the way they roll off the tongue and the effect can be very intense. The poet cannot be as lazy a writer as the novelist. The poet has one chance.

At what point does an analogy become erotica? Might put the kettle on.

Breasts

p.s. I'm watching a black guy play frank spencer and snoop dogg in a comedy sketch. If that can make telly, Mate'll be fine.

p.p.s. blogger is being weird and won't let me put paragraphs in. Fuckin prude.

Hi-jack

2008-08-06T18:14:00.004+01:00

Ignore this blog it will be gone soon. It's some images I designed for a brilliant show at the Egg, go see it from tomorrow night! We're having difficulty getting these images over though. They'll go soon.

the prelude

2008-08-06T16:05:00.002+01:00

The blog is currently fermenting in my brain... will be ready to be digested in lumpy yoghurt form this evening, and, like 'good bacteria', even though 'breasts' sound like they'd be bad for you, they will soon become an essential part of your daily routine... watch this space for ease from bloatedness...

Sorry.

Completely comfortable, predictable, easy long-term-relationship sex...

2008-08-04T18:49:00.003+01:00

...is brilliant.

I really feel like just stopping there and not writing any more. I came. I sore. I conquered. Or something like that.

Hello everyone, welcome to the gangster's paradise that is Blogolgasville.

(Pictured below)

After last weeks tyrade of sexual frustration from Fearg I'm glad to restore some sexual healing to this forlorn and Loveless blog.

How is everything people of the internet, for those on northern computers that's t'internet. Last week was a strange one for me. Dark Revolution filming has been all but finished, only 2 more shoots left to do, both of which can thankfully be done in daylight hours and not at the John Lyon School. This pleases me greatly...not that I wasn't enjoying the filming but that it was proving to be quite taxing starting shooting at 11pm and working through until 5am (19 hours straight!). I imagine with a full crew it would be an even more enjoyable job but as it was just myself and the Tdog then it was a bit tough. Saying that the majority of the stuff we got is good and useable so the next step is editing the beast. (Fearg you were great)

In other news, I'm leaving the country. I'm off to L.A. on September 15th then driving up to Seattle (Home of Frasier Crane) then bussing it to Vancouver until 10th October. I'm rather excited to be honest. Coming with me will be my lovely girlfriend and lots of scripts. One of these scripts shall be the pilot episode of Mate-ing the screenplay for the TV version of Mate...which shall be sold to an American TV company. (So i'm only in L.A for 5 days...I don't care, they'll make our TV show and they'll fucking like it, Dammit!)

I've heard it on the facevine (Facebook) that Breasts is ill and injured...that aint cool...and all of us here in the filthy disease ridden south african shanty town of Blogolgasville wish Breasts a speeedy return to a state of being pert and healthy.

Equally I've been returning to my geek roots this week and have made it through the entire first season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and read the first 5 volumes of Ultimate Xmen and I'm oddly proud of that achievement.

New Old Friendishly, the lovely people at Bath Life have recieved another cheekily charming email requesting a possible follow up piece on our glorious theatre company, and Ian Dore at Bath FM got another text about doing a follow up interview...he did not reply.

At the moment I'd say that on the progress front, using a scale of 1 to 10, we're doing ok.

Ooh, Ooh, Ooh...I used my MATE mug earlier too.

Just for old times sake I'm going to say a big hello to Andy Dawson? Does anyone remember that crazysonofabitch. Ha...he was crazy. Hi Andy.

I believe Fearg is currently playing Golf.
I can't see what Amy's doing there's something blocking the camera.
And I'm writing a blog.

Bye!
Josh Blogolga
xxx

(I saw The Dark Knight again...t'was better the second time as I wasn't quite so tired so I apologise to anyone who had to listen to me um and ah about it for the past week.)

(Lots of get well wishes to Big Morgan Freeman aswell.)

Fearg on Fridays X

2008-08-01T10:54:00.002+01:00

Duna duna duna duna Blogman blogman blogman!

And we stop blogging till I say when. So here we are my decablog, I made it through the wilderness, you know I made it throughoughough, didn't know how lost I was until I blogged you.

That's enough of that. So on to the main theme of my tenth blog - blogging.

I have recently been musing on blogging, or rather writing in general. These musings have led me to the conclusion that for me writing is rather similar to sex. That's not in an Arnie "When I am working out I am coming" way, I'm not aroused as I write this, nor to I intend to use it for arousal. But I mean that both my writing and my lovemaking seem to follow a similar neurological path. For instance, I spend a fair bit of time thinking about each, both before and after the event. I find myself fantatsizing about crafting the perfect line just as often as I do Natalie Portman's eyes.

Then when I know I'm going to sate my desire I get excited at first, can't wait for the moment to arrive. When it does suddenly I am struck with a hint of trepidation, how does one start exactly? Should I just dive right in, or do I need to warm it up a bit first? I generally start by working lightheartedly around the edges, before starting the main thrust. Equally, both activities involve my bashing away at buttons that while I konw are there, I'm not entirely sure HOW they work, settling for the fact that they do, or at least appear to.

So once I've started and I'm happily bashing away at the buttons, eliciting what I hope are the right reactions, I feel pretty good. I like to think I'm fairly competant at the activity I'm indulging, hell how am I kidding. At the start I think I'm James Brown or Joyce, certainly a James. But then at around the mid-point I start to wonder how the recipient is feeling. Maybe they're not enjoying this as much as I would hope? Am I being too self-indulgent? Too rude? Not rude enough? Is anyone even there?(A truly worrying concern during sex)Is my ettiquette correct?

All of these worries start to have a harrowing effect on me, and I develop that fatal flaw in both creativity and humpypumpy - self awareness. Nobody looks good during sex. Nobody. Equally a piece of writing is never good until it's been read correctly, or performed, heard, digested. So trying to analyse the good bits whilst flying solo is impossible.

After the self awareness and doubt that inevitably follows I struggle on and quantity becomes the main concern with all thoughts of quality long eschewed. I burble about for a bit, my heart no longer in the process before limping to an apologetic and unsatisfying end.

Eeeeww. I hope nobody I'm trying to sleep with ever reads this. Although, if I'm trying to sleep with them I'd hope they weren't online reading any blog to be honest. Not a fan of the cyber-scene, I lie too well and if I'm doing it...

The other main similarity between my writing and my sex life, is that recently all too often both activities take place alone with my laptop in close proximity.

Mmmmm....lovely image. Oh, hi mum. Yeah a cup of coffee would be lovely thanks.

See you later!

xxx

OI TITS!!

2008-07-31T01:20:00.003+01:00

This is not a comedy blog. This is a dressing down. Possibly a comedy dressing down but that all depends on my fecal flow. PATTERSON what are you playing at? It's a Wednesday and once again you've not blogged. I am blogging in your stead. That means you owe me. So next time I need something doing it's on you, and my balls are pretty itchy.

I The mighty Fearg will be blogging on Friday which will be greater than the wall of China mixed with the Barrier Reef coupled with Jerry Lee Lewis' balls of fire. Until then I have a rather pressing matter to attend to, the aforementoined fecal matter, I have a turtle's head the size of Guernsey to deal with.

There's an image for you. By the way I've just got back from Stratford where I saw Hamlet. Awesome. I'll tell you more on Friday.
xxx

Josh's back, Back again, Josh is back, tell some men.

2008-07-28T20:00:00.002+01:00

Good After-eve y'all!

How you all doing? Good I do hope.

I'm currently on the verge of switching from being relaxed to being as stressed as a white farmer in Zimbabwe. Not that I'm in, or going to, Zimbabwe but that I've just come back from a lovely afternoon at the Spa and am thus preparing for the beginning of the second week of filming Dark Revolution. Things witht this little vampiric project of mine have been going well and are looking at the very least...ok, however I'm going to stick my neck out and say that we're going to make something good of this little shin dig.

As far as fresh elderly associates are concerned I saw Fearg towards the end of last week and very briefly yesternight and we ARE slowly but surely pushing forward with plans for Mate in various forms and will of course update you via the miracle of blogs.

I went into the egg today to see Breasts but was sorely disappointed. Disappointing.

Unfortunately this has been yet another largely uneventful and useless blog of mine and I must now leave you as my Frankfurter Salad is calling to me in a lustful voice.

Farewell Blogstars.
Things just ain't the same for gangsters...
Josh Blogolga
xxxx
(Oh and I went to see The Dark Knight and it was pretty good, not Oscar worthy but pretty good...)

Fearg on Fridays IX

2008-07-25T17:56:00.002+01:00

Hello my lovelies.
How are we then? Good? I'm glad. Along with glad I'm also freaking knackered. Last night I was with the Golgothan filming for RJG productions forthcoming pilot Dark R/evolution. Its a vampire type thingummy. I played a hungry and freaking cool vampire. I've extrapolated out a fair bit there as it was just one fight scene with one line - "Ouch". Excellent scripting there. No, it was a right giggle actually. We filmed from ten till 5. IN THE MORNING!!! Madness. So now, I am tired. Fatigued. Weary. Exhausted. Sleepy. Drowsy. Spent. Knackered. Shattered. Shagged. Other synonyms for fucked.

But that said I'm good. Just sat watching Lee Evans and will now type the next joke he says; Bats hang upside down, do you think they know they're upside down? "Do you know you're upside down?" "Am I? I wondered why I had shit all down here." Which is very funny if you watch him do it. But then so is the fact that his dog's name is Brian.

God damn I'm tired. I've got a sort of a date thing tonight which will be a laugh wunnit? Will it? I dunno. Not a big one for dating. Mating yes, dating no. Sorry slipped into Will there. No sexual references please. SEXUAL REFERENCES!! What a great comedy notion. Before you get down and dirty with someone they go "Um...could I just get your sexual references before we go any further?" And you have to give them the numbers of your two most recent partners!

I am satisfied that the above is vaguely amusing and therefore have fulfilled my obligation. May I just say a big welcome back to the lovely re-entry of Breasts into the blog market. A healthy dose of oestrogen to temper the preposterous amounts of testosterone swilling around preposterone. That's for you Golga.

Cheers for me ice cream the other day Ames t'was lovely. Me and Josh have had a bit of a chat about the show and he reckons he might be around soonish. Progress on the sit-com is good the pilot is almost finished and has a couple of moments of genuine comedy gold, or at least silver of bronze.

xxx

I'm Back Baby!

2008-07-23T23:23:00.005+01:00

Hey Bloggers and blogettes. That's right. Breasts is (are?) in da house. And in the spirit of Blogolga's monday blog, today's blog is brought to you in honour of Kevin James - another of the mighty Smith's co stars who has accepted to unselfishly be overshadowed in a film alongside him. Some have dared to suggest that James was actually better than Smith in Hitch. While I am happy to admit he was good, these people are wrong. Very wrong. Smith played a love expert for pity's sake - a man PAID to charm men and women alike. Actually, rumour has it this was actually a documentary. I like the word actually.

And so, Kevin James joins Kevin Kline in the list of famous people (Kevins?) who cannot match the might of Master William. We salute you.

In other news, I had an awesome (extended) weekend. Had a lovely afternoon on Saturday having coffee with CuzLisa and giving gifts (kindereggs) to the Max and Beth cast. Then I bought a dress, shaved some of my hair and dyed other bits of it, had a drinky with Feargy and then went to Tiffany's grad party. Was tres fun. Felt awful the next day and wore sunglasses to the cinema where me and tiff saw Mama Mia. Am still unsure whether it was the best or worst film I've ever seen. What I am sure of is that James Bond should not sing that much in any film. I'm also sure that I want to be Meryl Streep when I grow up.

Then on Monday morning Mr. Breasts and I realised that we had ALMOST two days off together. So, we got in the car and went to the seaside. We swam in the sea wearing our clothes and ate cream teas and ice creams and local crab and drank cocktails and skimmed stones and annoyed fishermen and climbed hills and posed in sunglasses and spoke to an old lady about her dogs and stayed in her spare bedroom in her 'B&B' and left 24 hours after we arrived. Oh yeah! That was our summer people!

Anyhoo, must go. Am meeting the mighty fearg for coffee tomorrow so need to get my beauty sleep or he might stop fancying me. Gutted. And HA - It's ten to 12. I'm back on track.

love you all blog lovers. Think of me when you're making love. It might help. Breasts. xxx

2008-07-21T17:09:00.002+01:00

Hello there everyone!

Today's blog is brought to you by the number 7 , the actor Kevin Kline and the Character Artemus Gordon.

To make this blog a long blog would be silly. Thus it shall be a short blog. Succinct-ish (spelling uncertain).

We come together today, on this most auspicious of Mondays. We are gathered/huddled around this blog, as are many around the world to pay our respects to the unsung heroes of all Will Smith films. To thank those who have had their moments of glory all but overshadowed by a Smith shaped shade.

Thank you to Kevin Kline, Tommy Lee Jones, Kenneth Brannagh, Jonny Knoxville, Jeff Goldblum and many many more...

As far as New Old Friends are concerned things are moving on at a rate of knots and in several different directions, however all these directions all eventually lead to a tour of unbridled passion, animosity, vengance in this life or the next. But, if you should find yourself riding through green fields with the sun on your backs, do not fear for you are in Elysium (or something like that) and you are already dead!

Dark Revolution begins filming in.........5hrs 49mins!!!!!!

Thus I must leave you my children.

Josh Blogolga
xxx

Fearg on Fridays VIII

2008-07-18T13:50:00.003+01:00

I've just made a sandwich that was so good I had to write a blog about it.

If you don't get that reference go and watch Cochrane NOW. Alun Cochrance. I refuse to write any more until you've watched it. What do you mean I'll never know? I'll know. I'll know.

Nope. Nothing doing. Go on goon. It's freaking high-larry-us.

Ok. I'll settle for that. Most of you have watched it, all but you. Why don't you just do one hey? So on with the blogorama. Today's blog will be presented in glorious 50s technicolor. Whilst ultimately remaining monochrome. Jinkys.

Isn't it good Norweigan wood? That's not what I wanted to type but I said it in my head and then realised that I'd typed it also. Bum holes. I wanted to type, isn't it good that I am writing this to you on a Friday! No trades descriptions act lawsuits for me this week, which is nice. The legal costs are just stacking up.

SO! What have I been up to post-Mate? Well as my last blog let slip I broke my old laptop, which was not cool. For a while I thought I'd lost everything that was on there, but then I got all techno-geeky I got most of it off. I'm good at getting things off....ladies. Just got a text from the Blogolga and he's also making an incredible sandwich. WITH HUMOUS!!! WITH HUMOUS I TELL THEE! Isn't that a lovely example of social mobility? Josh is a working class salt of the earth type bloke and yet he has Humous in his fridge. Some of you may object to me making the word Humous a perfect noun (capital letter) but Humous is perfect, mother funkster. While I'm digressing awhile I must confess to a little white lie about Josh. He's not really working class. He's middle class. Not rich, comfortable. Comfortable enough to fill a fridge with lovely snack foods of the world. What a digression. Oh yeah. Cochrane.

So, this song is sposed to keep ya from doing what your sposed to. Been playing some Jack Johnson, it's suprisingly taxing and relaxing and maxing and cooling and shootin some Bball outside of the school...wait! This keeps happening. I must stop singing as I blog. You may remember from the blog fiends last blog that he's shooting a pilot, as in filming a solo episode of a prospective TV series, not gunning down an aviation expert. I hope to take up a role in said pilot. But it all depends on whether I can get the day off my taxing work at the Roman Baths. Check it out over there, "Salve!" Which is pronounce salvay not salve like lip salve. Just if you ever needed to say hello to a Roman/Latin speaker. Yup.

Right this blog has successfully gone nowhere, but where would it go? It's an online diary of sorts, it has no cognitive sense of self in order to make the decision it wanted to move or indeed the physical attributes needed to neccessitate such a decision should it find a way of acheiving it.

Good day to you.

Toni Blogless

2008-07-15T21:25:00.002+01:00

The first film to be produced by RJG Productions.

In association with New Old Friends.

Vampires, Guns and other cool things...

p.s. The boy with the spider died yesterday...or so i'm told....

(not really just another joke...i hope......enough now!)

Hello again all!

Welcome back to another exciting episode from The Josh Blogolga. (Apologies to those to take offence to me refering to myself in the third person as a fictional character...but you should really learn to deal with that kind of stuff. I mean there isn't really much wrong with using the third person, especially if the job you're doing takes more than two...Breasts i'm looking at you here...erm....yeah....full stop.)

Anyway...Welcome back to another exciting episode from The Josh Blogolga (all people offended by the third person please re-read the above paragraph.) Before I really get into it I think we should all take a moment to watch Alun Cochrane at the Comedy Store on www.youtube.com he's great.

(Pause here for Cochrane)

Now that Alun's out of the way...New Old Friends. You may remember us, we're the wonderful young theatre company that brought you Mate all those many hours and days ago. Well things for us haven't stopped since then! Well not completely, we've had a little rest and done a little of this and a little of that but none of that oh God no! And, in our travels we've decided to go on our travels. Yes, that's right the MATE TOUR 2009 is coming!

We are currently in the process of setting up the admin side of a tour and organising where to go and when to go there, so keep your eyes on the website and/or facebook group for more details.

In the mean time, Amy has continued to get on with her life, Feargus has continued to get on with his life, Andy has continued to get on with his life and I've done a bit here and there.

If any of you are wondering why there's a weird little vampire bit at the top it's to do with Dark Revolution. An original screenplay written by Richard Jago with an extended trailer commencing shooting on Monday 21st July. New Old Friends are keeping an eye on the project and possibly looking at becoming involved depending on the success of the trailer and basically if the idea's appealing to us, although being a theatre company primarily and with a tour to organise...well you get the idea.

Right then, I've had my dinner but i'm still hungry so I think I might go and look for some chocolate or possibly cheese but not both.

Be wary of mixed fruit and those who wear full tracksuits.

love to you all!

Josh

xxx

Fearg on Fridays VII

2008-07-12T12:38:00.001+01:00

Hello,
This is late and just a saver. My laptop got a virus and I'm busy reinstalling everything on to my new one. I'll do a better post this evening, right now I've got to go to work.

Love you all.
Fearg.
x

The Tarantula and his wiley ways...

2008-07-07T16:44:00.002+01:00

Does this boy know that there's a spider on his head or is he just looking up at the ice cream his Mum has just bought him from the ice cream van in the park?

That's the kind of shit that happens in warm weather.

This boy is now dead.
(None of this is true...I hope)

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello everyone!

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO CAME TO SEE THE SHOW!
THANK YOU TO EVERYONE AT THE EGG FOR BEING GREAT!
THANK YOU TO REVOLUTION IN TOWN FOR AMENDING THEIR MISTAKE WITH FREE DRINKS AND THANK YOU TO LAURA FOR HASSLING THE MANAGEMENT INTO DOING SO.

The show is over. End of blog I hear you ask?

No.

Na na na na na don't kill me, will only make the blog stronger.

Back to the show. It went REALLY well. All three nights were successful, we even sold a fair few tickets on the door each night. However the most important thing is that the majority of audience members seemed to leavc with a smile on their face and in some cases bruises from being nudged by their partners to say "Oh oh isn't that funny..." at certain bits of the play. (A much needed full stop).

The issues around topical Portugal jokes have been all but resolved and now the mission to move the play on is under way. The word tour has been banded about as have the words "let's", "on", and "go", although the order of these words is still under discussion. Ass.

I'm leaving tomorrow. This is something I'm not happy about at all. Bath is a much better place to live than London and for those of you who are interested I'm looking into the possibility and the pros and cons of moving to Bath in the near future.

I've jad a great time working on this show with Andy, Fearg and Amy and both the Waters' and Woods-Dunlop families havc been incredible for letting me stay this long, all the love in the world to everyone in this paragraph.

All in all, the whole thing has been great and the question of will there be another New Old Friends production is I feel only a matter of time. We're comin'. We're comin'. You can't stop us. You can't stop us.

later on all
Jim West
Desperado
Rough Rider
Josh
xxx

P.S. I wanted to proof read this fpr selling mistakes but couldnt be bothered.

Fearg on Fridays VI

2008-07-05T00:00:00.002+01:00

Hoi, hoi!

I am freaking knackered my little bloglets. But in the best possible way (OK the second best possible way). I've just got back from the second night of MATE. It went really well. Not quite as well as the first, which actually murdered all other comedy in it's path. If you were in that audience you should hire yourself out places you were incredible. The audience we had tonight were more of a sit and smile bunch, or possible they weren't even smiling we can't tell it's dark out there. Having said that, there were still some big laughs to be had and they clapped and even whooped a little at the end.

Tonight we suffered a little bit with 'second night syndrome' by which I mean we pre-empted somethings, or expected laughs where there were none. Rule 1 in comedy is NEVER expect a laugh, but always be prepared for one. We forgot this a little but tonight. But as I say, there were still some really big laughs in there, which I suppose is the comedy equivalent of when the top football teams beat the relegation strugglers 1-0 and the commentator goes "Mark of champions that Mark wouldn't you say? Didn't play their best but still found a way to win." Tonight we weren't at the top of our game maybe but we sent the crowd out smiling.

People have said some really nice things about the play. Far too many to list here (too many and even I'm not that conceited), one thing that a good friend of mine did tell me this evening was that he was watching (and laughing) through his fingers as he just didn't know where we were going to go next. Which I took to be a pretty nice compliment, although in writing it could easily be read to mean we've produced an entirely incoherent play. We haven't. I'm not saying it's Hamlet or anything, but it makes sense. It's also already thrown up at least one alternative reading than that which was written. I prefer the new reading, it's arty.

So, onwards and upwards. Saturday night has the potential to sell out. It's close to it, so don't be put off hitting the door (about 25-30 seats left) and it would be great to sell it out. Not in a mercenairy way, but just if the house is full and we get the belly laughs started it will be the greatest feeling in the world. Come on, it's a £5 , I can honestly say you'll laugh out-loud on more than one occasion, and there's free pizza to end. What possible better way is there to spend a Saturday? If you do come along you instantly get that £5 back because you get free club entry!

One thing to note though. If this is your first theatrical experience (and there've been a few), then if it says 7.30 on the ticket, that means the show STARTS at 7.30 not the doors open. There's a bar serving reasonably priced drinks, and we have Baba Brinkman (check his Myspace) performing downstairs as a pre-show. It'll be great!

Much love guys, I know that once again this hasn't been funny, which means as a blogger I'm only 33.33% funny, but come see the show and cut me some slack because I'd say the show is about 70% funny. By which I mean 70% of the script is funny. You're reading that going "If he's saying that 30% isn't funny then why should I see it?" aren't you? If you are don't worry, the other 30% is just taken up with like ands, & so's, & the's, those kind of words, which unless said with Steve Coogan's accent aren't funny. (Steve Coogan is always funny by definition.)

Much love.
xx

OH MY GOD IT’S TOMORROW!!!

2008-07-02T19:42:00.003+01:00

That’s right Lads and Ladies, Homies and Homegirls, peeps and peepesses (or should that be peepettes?) etc. Tomorrow night at 7:30pm something amazing is going to happen. Will you be witness to it? If you want to be, you know what to do. If you don’t, why the hell are you reading this freaking blog? Get outta here!

Anyhoo, It’s been a long day, have been rigging and plotting and teching and focussing and levelling (all theatre terms) since 9am and now I want to cry, but it’s back in tomorrow bright and early for q2q, dress rehearsal then tidy-up, flyering then THE FIRST SHOW!!! Wicked.

So, I will be doing the lighting and sound during the shows. I have never done this before so if there are any fuckups or lights on when it’s clearly meant to be light etc please don’t boo and throw things up to the technical box, be nice to me! If you know any of the young men I worked with today (fearg, Josh, Andy, Steve Dart) you will know how hilarious it was to enjoy a whole day of ‘Amy’s Box’ jokes. “Is it dark in your box?” “Has Steve got stuck in your box?” “I’m poking Amy with a ruler in her box” etc.

Other things acheived included inventing over-the-sofa-hand-tennis, walking through town with fifteen pizza boxes and the curtain call to end all curtain calls (in a manner of speaking. Kind of the Curtain Call’s curtain call...). No, I’m not going to elaborate, if you want to know what I’m referring to you’ll have to come and see it.

The amount achieved today was five times the amount achieved yesterday, however, Fearg's twelve (and a half he's just demanded) slices of all you can eat Pizza Hut Buffet pizza was not to be scoffed at, or scoffed at all. We also did the get in with a comedy sofa-out-the-office-round-the-corner-down-the-steps-through-the-doors-and-up-the-stairs sketch built in. We literally re-enacted the FRIENDS 'Pivaaat' sketch. Lush! Well, i say 'we', I just carried the cushions.

In fact the more i think about it the more I think we should forget about MATE and just invite people to come and watch the rehearsals!

Saturday is nearly sold out but there are still tickets available for tomorrow and Friday. See you there. If not, I've already told you to bugger off. Really, you people!

Love love, Breasts.

Josh Blogolga

2008-06-30T17:58:00.002+01:00

Yo assmonkeys! Another week begins and another blog is entered from yourstruly. This is going to be short and sweet. We did the Scratch performance last wednesday and it went really well but since then have rehearsed only once due to stupidity, disorganisation and illness. Our hearts, minds, bodies, souls and brains go out to the gallant Andrew Dawson who has been taken severely ill, we think with bowel AIDS. Get well soon Andy!

Past this stuff nothing has happened. We're on Bath FM at some point this week plugging Mate though. Exciting times. Equally the Bison from the last post hasn't made it into the show just to disappoint all you bison followers out there.

I'm off to watch a little more tennis then record the radio bits then possibly rehearse later in the week and maybe perform the show? Who knows. You Decide.

Rhymenoseros
Josh Blogolga
x

Fearg on Fridays V

2008-06-28T00:38:00.010+01:00

Shut up! I know it's not Friday, but I'm still the only one to keep my promise and post once a week, even if I do occasionally post it on Saturday morning. So screw you, you naysayers. Why is this post late I hear you scream? Well I shall tell you my vociferous friend, I have been 'Natural'ing. What's Naturaling? I hear you once more strain your larynx in an effort to be heard. Well Naturaling is my verb for the work I do for the Natural theatre company. The Natural theatre company before you yell, are a professional theatre company who specialize in comic street performance. Tonight I was an ensign (red shirt) in a Star Trek spoof, a conehead scientist, and a silver pensioner. It was a bit of a giggle, and good pay too. Not to be sniffed at. So that's why the post is late. Ok?

Right. On to the serious business of comedy blogs. Buggerit. Um... I've got a picture or two? Like this vaguely arty-blur-effect one of me in my Mate T-shirt during our first ever run in front of people. Yes, I almost forgot about that. We did a run. Not a fun run, or a marathon or anything of that ilk. But a runthrough of the play in front of other people. Not New Old Friends people, just old friends and relatives to be honest. It was good. Believe me there have been times during this that I didn't think I'd be saying that, but I can now. Without guilt or qualification; this play is a good play. It is a comedy that will make you laugh. It's the comic equivalent of Ronseal that, it does exactly what it says on the tin. Except it doesn't come in a tin. But in your eyes and ears. Not sexual coming though, its more of a visual and aural coming situation respectively really.

So yes, that was good. People said nice things. Nice things about the play, rather than just listing nice things such as cake, or chocolates, or a kiss on the cheek when you're sleepy. They didn't say any of those things, but they did say things like "I'll book that show if it goes on tour" Or "You should definitely get some producers to watch it, it has BBC3 sitcom all over it." Which are very nice things to hear if you have written a comedy play. Which we have.

Here is another photogram, (His Dark Materials reference for y'all there). This photo is from Black Sunday, sorry PC police I mean IC2 Sunday. The photo shows Andy (Wes) in the front row Josh (Toni) in the light and Fearg (Will) in the hat. If you study the angle on Fearg's (Fearg who is me, and shall henceforth be described as such, or I, myself, mine, various other first-person participles), so anyway, if one were to study the angle of my shoulders one would clearly see the dejection that had crept in. Dejection coupled with doubt as to the play's merits. These dejected doubts deserved destruction and duly delivered dere destined decision. Dat's right bitches, I got alliterative on your ass. But basically the doubts were crushed by the twin goodness of Marc's arrival as guest director and the scratch performance at the delightful Rondo.

For my final picture I will show thee Marc. He is the one sat down. With the beer. It is about 1 o'clock. That's his second. Good man. The other guy is Josh. But you should know that by now. Check out the title page on Josh's script...Mate? Sounds like and incredible comedy. Oh wait it is!

And here ends my late, but fifth blog. Which is three more than anyone else in the company. Possibly. I do have to bow down the Josh Blogolga though. That was pretty impressive. I've not really got an answer except for the lame Dunloplogalotta which sounds like something that would fight Pikachu on some Japanese schoolboy's portable games console.

Either way, much love. Stay classy San Diego.
xx

You're more of a blog than a blog

2008-06-23T16:27:00.002+01:00

This Bison may or may not be in the show. You decide.

Yes yes y'all. It's that blog of the week again for times. Or possibly that time if the week again for blogs....or other variations. Joshblogolga!!! ( In other news - I amaze myself sometimes).

It's Monday, as usual after the weekend finishes, only last weekend we rehearsed on Sunday. It went well. Andy Dawson now IS Wes, I've got something character like for Toni and Fearg's freakishly tall.

We've also managed, mainly due to the beautious talents of 'Breasts' (Amy), to team up with the wonderful people at Domino's Pizza to bring you....well....Pizza. Basically because we know that you [fans] are a ravenous bunch we've organised a deal with Domino's to provide free, yes you heard me, FREE PIZZA after the show. We are also in the process of possibly donating the Pizza left after the show to shanty towns in South Africa, but this is still in the preliminary stages so don't quote us on that yet.

Other than Sunday's grrrrrrrreat rehearsal nothing of real note has happened. Marc and I played golf on Saturday before he got the bus back to London. Fearg, Amy and I went to Opa! for some greek fun, and we were supposed to play football today but that's been cancelled. Oh well.

On a lighter note I was walking through town yesterday and heard an African lady exclaim; "NO! Leave that bird alone." Which I found funny.

Hope all's good with you [fans] and either i'll see you at the show or i'll see you a few days later with a machete. Have fun.

Josh

xxx

Fearg on Fridays IV

2008-06-20T18:47:00.002+01:00

Woop de woop racial slur what!

S'up my theatrical gangstas. Yeah, I know, I'll drop my Dre-isms. For now, but they'll be back. This week has been a roller-coaster with ups downs, everything bar the scouts vomiting while they eat their lunch. (It's a UK classic TV reference all those of you in the US).

This picture MAY be in your newspaper tomorrow. We don't know. -

Sunday was probably the worst day yet for the company, we were in the brand-spanking-new £1.5 million Ustinov studio, so the day couldn't be that bad. But it tried. Oh how it tried. We ran the 90 minute play from start to finish in around 2 hours 3o. Speedy. Then we had a bit of a state of the union talk, lines needed to be learnt, jokes needed to be slicked, the play just needed polishing.

Then Monday, Marc (our guest director) arrived and reaped the benefits of our cataclysmic Sunday, because we were super focused and motivated. It went great, we ran it worked on bits, changed bits, put them back, changed them again. It were reet good I tell thee. We basically started playing again. It's not a finished article yet, but throughout this week we've been busting all kinds of grooves everywhere.

I think that the play is still a little slow, we speed ran it today and I think we can probably be faster than we speed ran. But it is freaking hilarious. You'll chuckle along most of the way, then there are a few genuine belly-laughs. I'm very proud as I'm sure Josh is too. Also, today we started recording our radio bits which had us shouting "F*CK!!!" Very loudly underneath a cafe chock full of little babies. It was incongruous to say the least. Sounds very funny though. I should point out that the swearing is in context, it is not meaningless and gratuitous.

Right, well this hasn't really been funny. I'm sorry. I prostrate myself upon the altar of your forgiveness, I offer you my prostate to alter in forgiveness? What? Too vulgar? Maybe so...but not bad nonetheless I may steal it. Is it stealing if it's from yourself? Can I think of a fifth question? Yes, yes I can. Ha.

Good day to you sir.
Much love.
xxx

Josh's slightly darker skinned blog

2008-06-16T21:58:00.002+01:00

Yes yes y'all! (and we don't stop, in the winter or the summer - time. Gettin' jiggy with it....)

Word up to all you New Old Friendizzles out there. This is the illusive first REAL blog from the slightly darker side of the company, namely me (Josh).

I hope you've all had a great few days since the last thrilling instalment of the ultimate gangster blog by Feargy D.

While all you happy readers have been sunning your martymcfly-selves in the great weather Mate has been rollercoastering (not a real word) through the ups and downs of even more ghetto rehearsals.

Posters have been posted in various poster places in the pristine vending premisies in Bath so you can now see both Will and Toni's gorgeous faces all around town. BRRRAAAAP! Love to the streets! (And thank you to those people who were nice enough to let us put up a poster.)

Sunday's rehearsal was not good. That's all I'm going to say about it.

Today's rehearsal was however quite the opposite. The injection of Golf Director/Facist Dictator Marc E. Brown's expertise has added a further dimension of incredibility (as in good stuff, not a lack of creditability) to the already piping hot - theatrical wet dream fantasy that is MATE!

Apologies for my tardiness in Blogging but i'll try to be better in the future....honest.

Much love from the New Old Friends urban outreach programme.
Switch to the slightly darker (more tanned) side,
Josh
(Desperado)

P.S - Josh has declared himself "Captain" of New Old Freinds.
xxx

Fearg on Fridays III

2008-06-14T11:56:00.004+01:00

Hello blogosphere!
You may have noticed that it is not Friday, that does not make you Columbo. Or Sherlock Holmes. Or any other fictional detective. It makes you a person with command of the weekly day-rota. That could be phrased better. But I can't be arseholed to rephrase it for comedy gold. But trust me there is comedy gold in there, you just have to polish that little phrase to make it shine yourself.

Check the random photo - Fearg,Amy,Andy,Josh

Either way it is Saturday and for this lapse I apolololologise. Although I think it's possibly still Friday somewhere, maybe. Forgive me? Go on, forgive me. I do a great line in puppy-dog eyes, so imagine me doing said puppy dogs and now forgive me. I crave forgiveness, maybe I should take this up with my shrink. I don't have a shrink but if I did I would now have to talk to him about the cyber rejection you are foisting on me.

SO, should probably get on with some news action about now. Um...what in the ass happened last week? Rehearsals hit a little bump with Monday AND Tuesday being called off for space issues, which sucked man breast. But then on Wednesday we rocked the proverbial Kazbaar, we fiddled with a scene that wasn't working and inadvertently created the an increfdible (that's a brilliant typo I'm keeping it, in fact it's not a brilliant typo it's an increfdible typo!) anyhoo the increfdible was leading to rap. Yes, you read that correctly we created an increfdible comedy rap. Poison Skin. It's a man mantra baby, it's a manantra! Yeah that's right, "You wanna run around talking bout puns like I ain't got none?"

Ok, I think there is at least one funny but in this blog. Promise from last week delivered. Promise for this week, my blog WILL be on a Friday & funny. Also, Josh may actually write a blog, but he is a little bitch so may not. While we're briefly talking about the others, monster respect to Amy's sign off...Although she is so much more to us than the one with the breasts, she has a butt that won't quit too.

Fearg - the one developing breasts. MOOOOBS!

Amy's Second Words

2008-06-11T11:04:00.001+01:00

Hello again!

Have just realised no one has yet blogged about the events of last week so I will take it upon myself to do so! Thursday was a good day – well it started off ok. We were rehearsing in the egg theatre, all was going well, and then we were kicked out because HTV wanted to film something in there about Camilla Parker Bowles. Don’t ask. Anyhoo, we went into the Ustinov foyer which works perfectly well as a foyer but we have decided the fung shui is entirely wrong for any sort of creativity. So, no more rehearsals could be done. This was ok though because Dave The Photographer arrived and took some great pictures of the cast (the boys) and the company (the boys plus me) outside the theatre where ‘THEATRE’ was written very large on the wall. The pics were really good. Dave should do that for a living. Oh, wait, I see…

The reason for the pics was that we have wangled a double page spread in the Bath Life magazine, coming out on the 20th June! Awesome! We then went to the Cork and Bottle, ate some delicious nachos, drank some beer, and recorded an interview on Fearg’s phone which was used to provide quotes for the article that we wrote later for Bath Life. I knocked up a loose 500 words, the boys tweaked it and added stuff, and Bath Life thought it was, quote ‘great’ unquote. On our way to stardom!

Off to see the boys soon, they’re rehearsing again today. I might go along and interrupt, get in the way, that sort of thing. BUY YOUR TICKETS!!!! Thursday has a post show talk about how to write comedy and starting your own theatre company – a must see event!

Best wishes, The One With The Breasts

Fearg on Fridays II

2008-06-06T23:34:00.002+01:00

Hello all,
It's still Friday this counts! It's twenty to twelve, but that's still Friday. Ok, so this week rehearsals started and it's very exciting. We're flying along with the show now, we've provisionally blocked the entire play. The play itself has undertaken something of a transformation too, it's now a two-acter with an interval. Which is nice, it means you can have a beer just over half way through. I may join you.

Possibly the most exciting part of the week has been getting the posters printed. My face is on them, so's Josh's. You've got to admit it's a pretty special day when you see your own face blown up to A3 size, as an advert for a play that you've written with one of your best mates, that you are STARRING in with one of your best mates. That's a good day.
You can see the poster on the site; www.newoldfriends.co.uk in either the gallery or the Mate section of Projects.

In other news, unrelated news actually, should I talk of things that aren't strictly New Old Friendly? Well I'm going to, hang the consequences, I'm a maverick I do not to follow the rules your society has imposed on me. Ok, that's a direct rip of Daniel Kitson, but in fairness he's very funny so I think he'd be ok with me stealing his quip. I'm also much bigger than he is, so...let's just say we've not evolved past the big bloke with the club getting his own way. Right, off of the tangent Fearg, the news. I am auditioning for Romeo & Juliet on the West End on Sunday. If you've not read my bio on the site (www.newoldfriends.co.uk) shame on you, but to enlighten you I am a Shakespeare geek so it's a pretty big deal for me.

It's not as big a deal as Mate though. It really is freaking hilarious. I realise that this blog isn't exactly side-splitting, but in my defence (take note of the c Americans, c not s) it is very late on a Friday evening. I promise you good people of the interweb that next Friday I will deliver an hilarious (note the an grammar fans) instalment. Before then you'll be treated to Josh's first personal blog on Monday when he'll tell you of his exciting trip to Leeds amongst other things.

Much love
xxx

Amy's First Words!

2008-06-04T16:44:00.001+01:00

Hey hey new old friends! Tis Amy’s first official blog so a clear sign that MATE is well and truly underway! I joined the boys at their second rehearsal today and picked up the final, official, finished (until they think of some more funny lines) script.
I was their audience for the first run through of act one. Wasn’t really fair on the guys – they were trying to act with me sitting in a very undignified position (it was a beanbag, I was wearing a short skirt, you understand) snottily squeaking with laughter (trying not to distract) with my face covered in running mascara. Soz.
There were some really good new bits and the scenes I had read quite a few times (auditions etc) seemed suddenly fresh and new once, well, acted. The guys are becoming very comfortable with their lines now so the characters are really developing.
Seeing the play that I’ve so far just seen on page being presented after just two days rehearsal was brilliant. It makes me realise that although MATE will clearly have some laugh out loud comedy with witty dialogue, there are subtleties in the characters that are just as good, if not better.
Well done lads! They probably noticed that I’ve been elusive on this website so far. I’m afraid I just told you I was busy – actually I just didn’t think it was very good. I’m happy to put my name to it now. Joke. Sorry, clearly the play would not be as funny if I had written it. And if you’re reading this and you haven’t yet bought tickets SHAME ON YOU!!! www.theatreroyal.org.uk – you snooze, you lose! Until next time I’ll be the undercover voice of femininity in a male dominated rehearsal room – wish me luck!

Fearg on Fridays.

2008-05-30T22:17:00.005+01:00

Hey guys,

It's Fearg here. I just thought drop in with you all. I think Friday will be my day. I will try my utmost my darlings to stop by and let you know how it's going. Of course, there are only five Friday's until the show including this one so it's not a huge commitment on my part. But it's a commitment nonetheless.

I should make it clear to you that I'm gonna write these blogs as a stream of conscienceness. What that means is I'm going to write as I think, without necessarily filtering it. Or spell checking it. I will attempt to correct as I go, drawing attention to my mistakes if I think it's funny. This isn't funny, which in itself is funny on one level. Isn't it? It's not, is it? Poo.

I play Will in Mate. I quite like Will, I think. Sometimes he says and does things that aren't exactly what I'd say or do, sometimes I'd actively try to do the opposite. But then, if he was just like me then I wouldn't really be an actor would I? How rubbish would it be if you played the greatest Hamlet ever, but when you stepped off stage your mum was sleeping with your murderous uncle, and your best friends are doomed to die in an hilarious Tom Stoppard play somewhere down the line.

Hmm...

I think this is probably the end of my first 'personal' post। I've had a mental week this week, but not a huge amount of New Old Friend-ing, except the monster editing sesh on Tuesday. I'm quite excited about the Royal Court thing. Even if they write back (which they've promised to do) telling us it's a shit play and shouldn't ever see the light of day. It'll at least mean we've done something worth commenting on. I hope they say something nicer though, like "Please come and perform you're excellent comedy 'pon our delightful stage monisignors."

Here's hoping.

Much love

Fearg

2008-05-28T22:38:00.001+01:00

Hello there everyone,

Just a brief update on the progress of Mate and New Old Friends as a whole.

Extensive cuts were made to the script yesterday as well as a brand new scene added. Perhaps even more exciting we've posted off the script to the Royal Court Theatre as part of their Young Writer's Programme with selected scripts givent he chance to be performed in the Jerwood Theatre Upstairs at the Royal Court itself.

Rehearsals for Mate start next Monday 2nd June at the Egg. We'll keep you updated on all the goings on as best we can.

Josh & Fearg
www.newoldfriends.co.uk

New Old Friends

2008-05-26T13:38:00.001+01:00

Hello,
We're glad you've taken an interest in us. We are New Old Friends, a brand spanking new theatre company. You can find out more about us at www.newoldfriends.co.uk.

This blog will lead you through our experiences whilst putting on our first show, Mate. This entry will attempt to catch you up with who we are.

People:
Josh Golga -
Josh is a founding member of New Old Friends and co-author of Mate. He has been friends with Feargus since training at Bretton Hall. www.joshgolga.com

Feargus Woods Dunlop -
Feargus is the other founding member of New Old Friends and co-author of Mate too. He refutes that he has been friends with Josh since Bretton; there was a week or two when they didn't speak owing to a wheelchair based fracas.

Amy Patterson -
The delightful Amy came on board as New Old Friends company manager, when Josh & Fearg discovered that total admin ineptitude was an issue. She's brilliant! But busy.

Andrew Dawson -
Andrew auditioned for the role of Wes in Mate on Saturday (24th) and after an evening's deliberation got it on Sunday (25th). He's gonna be great, even if we have to 'open a can in his ass.'

There is more details about all the company on the site www.newoldfriends.co.uk