Fearg on Fridays

Boom!
We're back in business. Blogging is the new shitting, it's best to do it regular. Both are great, but a really long one loses its fun and the best short are fat and filled with shitty/bloggy goodness.

So...Bananaman would be weird in real life, huh? Is that like the opposite of a potassium difficiency? Badum, bum, cha! If you burn a CD why does it not melt? Badum, bum, cha! Cured ham? I don't want cured ham. I want never was ill ham. I want totally clean bill of health always ham. I want this ham was a medical marvel ham. Although I realise that this ham was in fact not ham, but a pig. Badadadadadada dum cha. Apu bizarre name - A poo. Is that racist? Probably. Dumbells - Their name implies that people started off lifting actual bells with no ring a dumb bell. Dumb as in mute. Not intellectually lacking devices for calling people to prayer. Badum bum cha! I'm dropping the badum bum cha now. Badum Bum cha. (That was the sound of them hitting the floor. COME ON THAT'S COMEDY GOLD!) Caps lock, short for capital lock, capital punishment is punishment by death, imagine a capital lock, you leave your bike at the station and kill it just so no-one else can use it. I'm making all this up as I go by the way. The sound of music, thats just music you stupid fucking nun. Tottenham are bottom of the Premiership. That's only really a joke is you're an Arsenal fan or hate Tottenham for absolutely NO reason like me. No, I'm not an anti-semite. The reason Venison's expensive is obvious, it's deer! If you inhale instant coffee powder it makes you kind of coughy. "Fly me to the moon, let me play amongst the stars, let me see what snow is like on Jupiter and Mars. In other words, hold my hand." In other words hold my hand Frank? You're really stretching that 'in other words' part aren't you? At what point during "Fly me to the moon, let me play amongst the stars, let me see what snow is like on Jupiter and Mars" do you even get close to even hinting at wanting to hold my hand? I have a silver A on my shelf. True story. I was walking home this evening and a goth was walking along with his head down, long hair swinging to his goth-rock, and he walked right into a lampost. SO HAPPY! Me, not him. Don't feel bad about laughing at goths hurting themselves and not being happy, they actively dislike being happy which is handy for them because the second they're happy, they are like - BOOM - not happy, which ironically pleases them, making them happy then BOOM unhappy, resulting in happy times and so on and so forth right into a lampost.

The majority of this is not funny, but by sheer weight numbers some of that shit has to be comedy gold! Goodnight and god bless.

Fearg