Fearg on Fridays.

Ok. I missed last week. I'm sorry. I was having my pubes died. I know. Gross. But now I have a fine pubic thatch in all the colours of the rainbow. What's that? The rainbow is the universally known flag for a gay bar/club/domicile? Oh man. My cock is a gay bar! In fairness only really tiny gay guys are going to be able to fit inside.

Um... You know half way through successful serieses (series'? Seriei?) halfway through successful shows, they do a lazy ass cut and paste recap the best bits show? Yeah? I hate those too. Well... BYE!

You know the expression "You can't choose who you fall in love with."? Well it's total bollocks isn't it? You wouldn't say to a black-hating KKK memeber "Oh well, you can't choose who you hate." Why are we only supposed to be able to control our negative emotions? It's definitely a valid point, it's just not funny.
Final quip - Do you say either (ee-ther) or either (eye-the)? Now that, is funny.
I have now put myself on a government list by typing Q'ran, Quo'ran, Quran, and at one point even Quorn into Google. Isn't it funny that shitty flavourless tofo is very similar etymologically to one of the most divisive texts in the world?
Do you think that the number a googol feels inadequate now? It used to be sat there with all of it's zeros (100 to be exact) thinking it was freaking HUGE, then Google comes bastardizes it and turns it into something bigger even than 10 and 100 noughts.
Buddhists are awesome though, I love it when they protest. Just setting themselves on fire. That is serious dedication. Imagine someone from the Church of England doing it, it's far more likely they would just drink a cup of tea before it had sufficiently cooled and point out that they were scalding their tongue. Pussy Anglicans. Pussy Angling!! What a fantastic euphemism for going on the pull."I'm off out tonight.""Oh yeah? Pussy Angling?""No. Just a quiet one with the lads."
The other day I saw my mighty mate T'alan, he informed me he had burnt his thumb quick as flash I retorted "What in the piss were you cooking your thumb for?"
Do you think there is a case of libel in the Bible? I mean Judas can't have been THAT much of an dick could he? "Yes I believe you are God incarnate, but all the same you don't hang out with me enough and I could really use thirty pieces of silver...")
the entirely fictional Dalton Towers a theme park dedicated to the work of the fourth man to play Bond
thesaurus was in fact pronounced thee-ah-soar-us. Which quite frankly is much cooler. I think kids would be far more likely to take an interest in the English language if they could imagine a dinosaur with a really freaking good vocabulary rather than just a book
am I the only one that finds Nintendo Wii's slightly unnerving? I'm walking round shopping centres and I can't tell if kids are spoiled or abused "Muuhuuhuum I want a WEE!!!" Do I need to get this kid to a toilet or does he just need to learn that sometimes you have to wait to get what you want?
gexercise (geek exercise)
the internet, for those on northern computers that's t'internet
West Country Deskarts - "I reckon, therefore I is"
They call me captain, first name cap second name tin."
I'm the engineer, it wasn't my first choice career. I wanted to be a marine biologist.
drunken revolution and a pissed resistance, as in pieste de la resistence
PIN number is a tautology? Personal Insurance Number Number.
Not a big one for dating. Mating yes, dating no.
SEXUAL REFERENCES!! What a great comedy notion. Before you get down and dirty with someone they go "Um...could I just get your sexual references before we go any further?" And you have to give them the numbers of your two most recent partners!

Boom! Rubbish blog complete!