New Old Friends: Umm?

Hmm... A cursory glance toward my chest confirms I am not Amy Patterson. Which is more of a disappointment to me than to you let me assure you. Still, I'm not sure if the delightful Miss P is obligated to blog anymore. As she said in her last (as in previous rather than final I hope) world wide web-log (yes that's where it comes from web-log) she has demoted herself from manager to administrator which means she does exactly as little or as much as she is asked. She's like a wife from the 50s! She was never the most punctual of bloggers when she was in her managerial role so why should she be now? In her stead you have me. Have you figured out which one I am yet? Curly haired short one or newly short-haired tall one?

Here's a pic of the pair -

And I can confirm that I am the pick of the pair. Now when you pick a pawpaw or a prickly pear, and you prick a raw paw next time beware. Don't pick the prickly pear by the paw, when you pick a pear try to use the claw. I mean it's simple advice guys please try to follow it. Josh should be ahead of you all in guessing which one I am. Oh...There it goes if I'm not Josh I must be me, and this must mean I'm just obscene - or something like that.

I've had a very busy few days with everyone under then sun seaming to come to Bath and wanting to have a beaver's age with the Fearg. (That's a pun that needs a WHOLE lot of work). One of my many friends to have put in an appearance is the fantastically monikered T'Alan. He was dubbed thus by The Fearg in the heady days of Alton Tower's scarefest. Now for reasons of libel (Do you think there is a case of libel in the Bible? I mean Judas can't have been THAT much of an dick could he? "Yes I believe you are God incarnate, but all the same you don't hang out with me enough and I could really use thirty pieces of silver...") I can't say how I felt about that work. But I can write about my work at the entirely fictional Dalton Towers a theme park dedicated to the work of the fourth man to play Bond. It was a whole pile of unholy gash. My sweet lord it was like chowing down on Osama Bin Laden's perrinium after a hard days terrorizing in the desert. Mmmm.... Salty terrorist gooch. Graham Gooch, great name, great tasch. Eeeeww If you break down GG's alliterative appellation it becomes Grey Ham Gooch, which conjures the image of a primogenital pig's puby pouch. Yeah alright I'll put down Roget's Thesaurus now. I'm not giving it back to the bugger though. I feel a bit sorry for old Roget, everyone wants his thesaurus but not his dictionaries, he must make one right? Nope dictionaries = Collins, or OED, or in the US Webster's. I own a copy of Webster's, it'

s very amusing to look into a dictionary and see words spelt wrong.

Here's a pic of me working at Dalton Towers as an Undertaker. Big fat hairy man balls.

Thesauruses are great aren't they? When I was little I was adamant (sadly I mean positive, sure, unrelenting, obdurate and other synonyms not the 80s pop legend and vocalist on seminal wong of the decade Stand & Deliver. Did you know he held up a pub at gun-point shouting "I'm the Dandy Highwayman!" He was sectioned shortly afterward, or maybe before, to be honest I'm not that big of a fan. Great make up though. Wow, this is a LONG bracket interruption, bad writing Feargy, bad writing. No signs of it stopping either. I mean do you even know where we are in the main thrust of this paragraph anymore? I certainly don't, oh wait I remember. Are you ready for the end paragraph thing? I though it was called a parenthesis but thats this...) that thesaurus was in fact pronounced thee-ah-soar-us. Which quite frankly is much cooler. I think kids would be far more likely to take an interest in the English language if they could imagine a dinosaur with a really freaking good vocabulary rather than just a book. I mean, that could inspire a love of words that could drag an otherwise lost soul out of the underclass that Maggie T so lovingly created. It could propel a chav from a life of ASBOs and shanks to Wordsworth and Joyce.

Doo doo da da doo doo...Scatting on a blog. I love good scat music but never image google scat, it is not pretty. Cartman's mom has nothing on these German freaks. Speaking of scat, am I the only one that finds Nintendo Wii's slightly unnerving? I'm walking round shopping centres and I can't tell if kids are spoiled or abused "Muuhuuhuum I want a WEE!!!" Do I need to get this kid to a toilet or does he just need to learn that sometimes you have to wait to get what you want? And as for Wii Sports, when I was a kid wee sports were the high jump (how high can you get that stream?) and hockey (moving those weird little yellow cubes around the trough).

It's late. So some actual New Old Friend news - WE MAY HAVE BEEN BOOKED FOR OUR FIRST DATES ON THE TOUR! Ian from the Rondo is very interested, and we are in talks with both Theatre Cymru and the White Bear in London. The Cymru theatre is in Wales if you hadn't gathered that.