Fearg on Fridays (no number, we're past that now. It's a lot though, an awful lot. That's not to say the lot is awful, rather a figure of speech.)

Alright motown honkies?

Cool cool, this blog is brought to you be the healing powers of King Fisher lager. More on that story later.

First up, Kofi Anan hacks into New Old Friends blog post. World fails to notice. Who is reading this thing? I'll tell you one person who is, my father. Which casts a whole new light on the whole Anitipodean sister story of two weeks hence doesn't it? I mean it was amusing to read and stuff, but probably not amusing enough considering my pater familias was going to read it.

I have just finished a week of Summer Schooling, I 'taught' some kids drama over the past week. It was pretty awesome to be honest, we did all kinds of stuff with them culminating in a show this afternoon. It had video, projection, text, dance, animation, it couldn't be more zeitgeisty, except we had freaking jokes in ours. We didn't do it po-faced serious. The kids were incredible, so very funny. One came up with the line "They call me captain, first name cap second name tin." COME ON!!! It was set on board a space ship another classic impr line "I'm the engineer, it wasn't my first choice career. I wanted to be a marine biologist." Both delivered in a dead pan way even the most experienced comic performer wouldn't get near.

More recently I've just got home from a lovely evening with Amy, Ben, & Tiffany. It was lovely, save for the fact that it felt a little like a double date with me and Tiffany expected (but failing) to get it on. Apart from the latent sexual tension it was a lovely evening. We went for a curry, which was great although it did mean I had two dinners this evening. Hang on, ALTHOUGH? That implies this isn't a brilliant thing, I mean AND, or WHICH FUCKING AWESOMENELLY MEANT, the grammar may be questionable on that last one but the sentiment is there.

I wanted to end this blog with some funny word-pun (tautology) about having a drunken revolution and a pissed resistance, as in pieste de la resistence(sp). But I'm pissed so failed. Ah well. Have you ever thought that PIN number is a tautology? Personal Insurance Number Number.

This blog was brought to you by Tygve Lie, Dag Hammarskold, U Thant, Butros Butros-Ghali, and Ban Ki Moon. The other ridiculously named secretary generals.

I will offer a prize to anybody who comments on this blog who is not related to New Old Friends by two steps.
xx

A blog by Amy Patterson

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This is not a blog by Amy Patterson It is infact a blog by ME Kofi Annan! Former UN Secretary General! To hell with all this world poverty and stopping wars and all that kind of shit these days I'm all about New Old Friends. Infact when Josh and Fearg approached me to be their new office administrator I think my exact words were..."Fuck Mugabe where can I get some chicken round this joint. Sure I'll be you're office administrator, only thing is things just ain't the same for gangsters. D'you get me?!" So now I'm in and I'm here and I'm gonna blog just like the rest of these bitches.

Peace out
Kofi

Ghetto Superblog

Why Hello!

Fancy finding all of you avid New Old Friends fans here, reading through our scintilating yet extensive back catalogue of blogs! Yeah, yeah, that blog was great, how we laughed.

How are we all, out there in Blogland? Good I doo hope. Firstly I must apologise for my lack of blogging last Monday. I fully intended to blog and even sat infront of the computer ready to type but if I remember correctly then some sort of food was served and I suddenly forgot how to walk or talk, my motor skills were gone, I was an eating machine, I was in fact James Eating Brown!.....sorry got lost in mate for a moment.

Speaking of which, aren't the video's grrrrrreat! If you're reading this and you aren't a member of the New Old Friends youtube channel then please go and sign up now, now, now! It's completely worth it and there will soon be more fascinating and hilarious videos being uploaded for your viewing pleasure, possibly very soon.

Today I'm off to pay a visit to the London offices of MEB Productions to get another edition of the trailer and a DVD copy of Shootout! So with any luck I'll be able to update you later on tonight as to how they both turn out.

Must go measure a bed now.
speak soon
bye.
Josh Blogolga

Fearg on Fridays XIII

My Blog this week is not a written blog. I simply give you two videos, the first an interview with the cast of Mate before their debut show at the Theatre Royal Bath's egg, the second a trailer cut together by myself last night. I hope you enjoy.




Laziest blog ever! I might come back later on and add the funnies. Oh oh oh, like my West Country Deskarts - "I reckon, therefore I is"

xxx

blogidy blogidy blog blog...

Amy is very very very busy right now - she has to write approx 8000 words in the next three days. Rubbish.

Also, she can't wait until Lindsay Baker is back and she can stop being him at the egg. I feel like I'm stuck in a dark, stuffy, administrative womb on a daily basis.

On the plus side, he is back in just over a week and then I can happily get waist deep in newoldfriendishness. Brilliant!!!

However, to make up for lack of suitable blogage and well thought out writing, i have given you the gift of Eliot. Click on where it says Blogidy blogidy blog blog and read the poem on the link in the safe knowledge that nothing I would have written, had i had all the time in the world, would have come close to it.

Um, need to go and write about jacobean drama now.

It's Ben's birthday on Saturday. What shall I buy him that will actually be a good present? Answers on a postcard to...

Might do some more photoshopping if i get bored.

Kisses xxx

HIJACK HIJACK HIJACK!!!

Hello, I'm Josh, and as I have not yet blogged I have no control over what gets posted in my allotted timeslot. MWAHAHAHA

How I truely see the two of you.

Breasts. x

p.s. John helped!

p.p.s. Is it me or is Fearg hot in this pic! BAD feargus!

THIS ONE'S EVEN BETTER!!! But unfortunately I couldn't make it so that Fearg wore Smiths Hat, which, lets face it, is the best bit of the picture.

Fearg on Fridays XII

Hello all,

This week has been off-the-freaking-hook-y'all. As they say in moronville. I've been up in Edinburgh with Josh, getting a grant to watch comedy shows - COME ON! It was only a little grant, translating into about 6/7 shows but it was well appreciated. I've seen some awesome acts up here, I've not really seen any terrible ones. But without wishing to sound like an arrogant mother-flipper, I've not yet seen a show in the same vein as Mate that was as good/funny. Like I say, I don't want to appear arrogant but I would give Mate about a 7/10 creeping to a 9 on a good day and that's plenty good enough to survive and indeed thrive up here on the mean-streets of the Burgh.

So yeah, that's been good. Although seeing all the tired eyes of various friends performing here who also have to flyer all day does make me question whether I'd really like to do that with Mate. But I think performing as part of this incredible festival would make up for it.

In other news, I had the best night of my life the other night. Partied with Stephen K Amos, making jokes in the toilet, for the entertainment of Roy Walker, Jason Byrne, Danny Bhoy, Danny Wallace, Tim Minchin, Ed Byrne, plus many others. Including, and wait for this because you may just poop your pants - Alun Cochrane. Ok, so I didn't actually make any jokes with him or indeed talk to him for that long but he did shake my hand and tell my to Email him. We're practically best friends right? Right? What do you mean, he's probably just being polite? Fudge you.

If you do get a chance to see anything up here this year I thoroughly recommend Minchin, Byrne (J), Jimeoin, and of course Cochrane. Was really nervous about seeing him because you know, what if he was crap? But he wasn't he was marvellous, made me laugh so hard I lost descriptive power and just laughed. Last night I watched him compere a Best of the Fest and he was equally funny, but has the same tendancy I do which is when he says something that he thinks is funny but the audience don't laugh he tells us it's funny. To quote Matthew Hocken (who's not famous he's a mate of mine) "It's not your job to tell me if something's funny, I'll judge that and let you know by whether I laugh or not." Which for the record is funny, as is Cochrane. I might search out a picture of Alun to stick on this page but I might not. If there's not one don't be angry with me but the last two nights have been pretty late.

The first one was all the stand-up schmoozing, which later on led to a brilliant experience in a grotty bed-sit with Australian sisters, I can't say anymore than that, but fuck me. And they did. Then last night, watched Best of the Fest which finishes at around 1.30/1.45 and I'd just bid Josh and birdio goodnight when I bumped into Ruth a colleague from the Naturals who took me out for a drink, which was lovely. Me and Ruth have just worked the one gig together so don't really know her that well, pleased to report that she is delightful, whilst having this drink I saw Fiona Jane Agar (again she's not famous, don't know why I've given you her full name, perhaps so you can facebook stalk her, I'm not sure) Fee, is one of my old friends from Bretton. One on whom I have to admit to a killer crush, even throughout the totally fidel Jackson years. So seeing her last night was great, she looks stunning still and I wasn't suprised to learn she is now a model. Ach well.

Right I best be off, still haven't added the Cochrane photo. But I'm leaning closer to doing so.

Night. Not night, afternoon. I need to tidy my sister's flat which she has kindly leant me. If you're reading this Loob, thankyou and don't worry the Aussie's were at their flat.

LOADS OF PICTURES OF COCHRANE!
Fearg

xx

Breasts? You should see my melons!

Hello boys!

Hope you're enjoying my photographic feasts. All courtesy of the facebook group 'pictures taken at exactly the right time. I really want to think that this was not photoshopped but i have a feeling it was. Oh well.

Blah blah blah.

Sorry, the blog will be a little dull this week. I have not had the thrills of Edinburgh to ignite my comedic flame. Did go to essex to see my little nephew tho. Me, Ben, EssexsisterZoe, ExetersisterLucy, LittlesisterJasmine and Maxdad Carl took littlemax to the farm and looked at the animals and then we went to the adventure playground. Of course, Max is only three months old so he didn't give a shit that he was at the park, but Ben had fun on the monkeybars.

I just had a Jacket potato with tuna for my dinner.

It rained all day today.

This picture makes me smile

Oh, something interesting happened to me on Saturday night. Tiffany and I went to 'the minibar' - a new cocktail bar in bath. We wore dresses and heels even though it was raining. Then I got chatted up by England Rugby player Matt Stephens in the mens toilets in OPA.

Yep, I've still got it. (not class or dignity obviously, but 'it').

Have shown my copy of MATE to everyone! Am very proud of it, shockingly so seeing as did not write any of it. If any of you want to ever take personal pride in any of my essays in future you're very welcome.

I think I'll stop blogging now. I've got the washing up to do and want to have a bath before I go to bed. Yep, Fucking rocking. I might even have a hot chocolate. Woah.

Anyone stormonthelawning it?

Love love, Breasts. xxx

p.s. this makes me laugh too.

the calm before the blog

Just warming my blog muscles.

At work at the mo so cannot fully blog. There are children around.

But, for your pleasure, and in the spirit of the Olympics, I have posted some funny sporting photos.

Hahaha. Basketball.

Hahahaha, Football.

Hahaha. Ping pong and sick.

S'laters, Breasts

The sheer racism of it!

Hello there, fancy finder you here! How are you? Yeah, good.

What would you people say if I told you a pigeon flew into a man's face?
Exactly! That's what we did. If you'd like to do the same all you need to do is fly to Edinburgh, come to the festival and then buy tickets and actually turn up to watch Mark Watson and the Pleasance. An experience that pleasant does not go far enough in describing.

Just to keep you up to date. We (Josh and Fearg) are unbelieveably brilliant at everything...except some things...sometimes...and perhaps more to the point we are in Edinburgh. We got here yesterday far far far too early thus ensuring that the worlds end was closed, preceeded by getting lost look ing for Cowgate (not colgate although we desperately need to buy some) and eneded up with breakfast in the Rabbie Burns Cafe.

The remainder of the day was spent in the meadows watching various comedians permorming to a varying standard followed by an evening of fun with Mark Watson.

So far the festival is extremely happy to have us here and 400,000 people have told us that
Mate is the best show on at the fringe and has won every award possible and some that have had to be invented in its honour. (The above statement may or may not be true)

Our plans for today are Alpha Males, Paul Merton's Impro Chums then....brace yourselves...tonight....the amazing....the bar bell using...the homous using...Death Defying...ALUN COCHRANE! (That right breasts read it and lactate!)

We may be forced to blog you again with news of his brilliance but equally we might not bother.

Equally, Paul Merton is sold out now so that's...ok and now Pauk Merton is not sold out...hmmm attention needed.

Hope all is good in gangstersville.
Blogolga & Sergio
xxx

I haven't re-read this and am struggling to see the screen so please excuse any type-o's and the ultimately boring content.

Fearg on Fridays XI

Hoi hoi,

I'm off up to Londinium this afternoon to see Joshua, then we're flying up to Edinburgh festival to schmooze some peeps and see some comedy gold. Messrs Kitson & Cochrane will be viewed. That's quite enough diary style blogging, I just typed in Feargy & Feargus into google images and here are some of the results:

Ok, so this one's not too bad. It's not me, sadly I can't play the fiddle. But this one I'll take. They get worse.

I appear to be a girl now. It's a profile pic of who I don't know, but she has me in her interests "Feargy" so there you go, if this is you get in touch you look quite nice. Who am I kidding, you look like the sort that isn't too fussy about who they...you know...SO get in touch.

Ah, Father Jack. Well I'm not upset by this in any way, shape, or form. Google me and you'll arrive at a drunked Irish priest! I'm not even bloody Catholic (which is the faith's full name by the way - Bloody Catholicism)

A HORSE?! A HORSE? If you look closer you can see it's penis, which by horse standards isn't particularly impressive. So I'm not even a huge cock swinging horse but a Percy Puny Penis Pony.

Yeah, can't argue here this one's me.

I hope you have enjoyed my lazy, but EARLY blog. It's before twelve, you're lucky I'm awake let alone blogging. I'll let you in on a little secret, I'm not alone. I've been pressing the keys lightly so as not to wake her because....Well picture number five is a pretty good likeness actually.

Bye bye

xxx

BREASTS on writing

Ooh, those are fookin beauts boys!

Hello. Sorry about the mini blog earlier - was working earlier and terribly busy but wanted to make very clear i am not shirking my responsibilities as a blogger. I just have trouble remembering the days of the week. Soz

Was very poorly earlier in the week. After Urban Hype (thanks Fearg) I spent the weekend peering through gunky eyes and shivering/sweating. Yep, fit. On a positive note i ate hardly anything for four days and then fitted into a really tiny dress on tuesday. Every cloud has a monochrome eighties-feel lining.

Oh no. i think i'm getting the writingrelatingtosex thing that fearg was on about. You see, to continue the very apt analogy (and this is probably more valid for the 'long term relationship' rather than the onenightstandishness), every now and again writing, whilst remaining an enjoyable method of passing the time, can feel rather uninspired and unoriginal. You're, as fearg says, pushing all the right buttons and perfectly good sentances are coming out, but nothing new is really happening, and after a little while you'll round it off to a nice satisfactory conclusion and then probably put the kettle on.

This is especially true of the long-termers, shall we call them the novelists, who already know their text so well they know the correct formula to bring the chapter to it's, ahem, climax. It is almost as if they are spoilt by the proximity of the laptop at any opportunity. The novelty of the novel writing is gone with it's immence availability. Also, the novel is more forgiving; with it's sprawling pages it is possible, when focussing upon a particular paragraph, to break the rhythm somewhat throwing off the chapter as a whole, but this is ok. With so many paragraphs in the book, it will be forgotton and only the perfectly timed and most perfect paragraphs will be reminised upon and quoted.

The onenightstander is closer to the poet. Every word must count, because as we know, if you read one poem that doesn't really grab you, you're not really likely to grab another. You must focus completely on the flow and movement of the words, the way they roll off the tongue and the effect can be very intense. The poet cannot be as lazy a writer as the novelist. The poet has one chance.

At what point does an analogy become erotica? Might put the kettle on.

Breasts

p.s. I'm watching a black guy play frank spencer and snoop dogg in a comedy sketch. If that can make telly, Mate'll be fine.

p.p.s. blogger is being weird and won't let me put paragraphs in. Fuckin prude.

Hi-jack

Ignore this blog it will be gone soon. It's some images I designed for a brilliant show at the Egg, go see it from tomorrow night! We're having difficulty getting these images over though. They'll go soon.

x

the prelude

The blog is currently fermenting in my brain... will be ready to be digested in lumpy yoghurt form this evening, and, like 'good bacteria', even though 'breasts' sound like they'd be bad for you, they will soon become an essential part of your daily routine... watch this space for ease from bloatedness...



Sorry.

Completely comfortable, predictable, easy long-term-relationship sex...

...is brilliant.

I really feel like just stopping there and not writing any more. I came. I sore. I conquered. Or something like that.

Hello everyone, welcome to the gangster's paradise that is Blogolgasville.

(Pictured below)

After last weeks tyrade of sexual frustration from Fearg I'm glad to restore some sexual healing to this forlorn and Loveless blog.

How is everything people of the internet, for those on northern computers that's t'internet. Last week was a strange one for me. Dark Revolution filming has been all but finished, only 2 more shoots left to do, both of which can thankfully be done in daylight hours and not at the John Lyon School. This pleases me greatly...not that I wasn't enjoying the filming but that it was proving to be quite taxing starting shooting at 11pm and working through until 5am (19 hours straight!). I imagine with a full crew it would be an even more enjoyable job but as it was just myself and the Tdog then it was a bit tough. Saying that the majority of the stuff we got is good and useable so the next step is editing the beast. (Fearg you were great)

In other news, I'm leaving the country. I'm off to L.A. on September 15th then driving up to Seattle (Home of Frasier Crane) then bussing it to Vancouver until 10th October. I'm rather excited to be honest. Coming with me will be my lovely girlfriend and lots of scripts. One of these scripts shall be the pilot episode of Mate-ing the screenplay for the TV version of Mate...which shall be sold to an American TV company. (So i'm only in L.A for 5 days...I don't care, they'll make our TV show and they'll fucking like it, Dammit!)

I've heard it on the facevine (Facebook) that Breasts is ill and injured...that aint cool...and all of us here in the filthy disease ridden south african shanty town of Blogolgasville wish Breasts a speeedy return to a state of being pert and healthy.

Equally I've been returning to my geek roots this week and have made it through the entire first season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and read the first 5 volumes of Ultimate Xmen and I'm oddly proud of that achievement.

New Old Friendishly, the lovely people at Bath Life have recieved another cheekily charming email requesting a possible follow up piece on our glorious theatre company, and Ian Dore at Bath FM got another text about doing a follow up interview...he did not reply.

At the moment I'd say that on the progress front, using a scale of 1 to 10, we're doing ok.

Ooh, Ooh, Ooh...I used my MATE mug earlier too.

Just for old times sake I'm going to say a big hello to Andy Dawson? Does anyone remember that crazysonofabitch. Ha...he was crazy. Hi Andy.

I believe Fearg is currently playing Golf.
I can't see what Amy's doing there's something blocking the camera.
And I'm writing a blog.

Bye!
Josh Blogolga
xxx

(I saw The Dark Knight again...t'was better the second time as I wasn't quite so tired so I apologise to anyone who had to listen to me um and ah about it for the past week.)

(Lots of get well wishes to Big Morgan Freeman aswell.)

Fearg on Fridays X

Duna duna duna duna Blogman blogman blogman!

And we stop blogging till I say when. So here we are my decablog, I made it through the wilderness, you know I made it throughoughough, didn't know how lost I was until I blogged you.

That's enough of that. So on to the main theme of my tenth blog - blogging.

I have recently been musing on blogging, or rather writing in general. These musings have led me to the conclusion that for me writing is rather similar to sex. That's not in an Arnie "When I am working out I am coming" way, I'm not aroused as I write this, nor to I intend to use it for arousal. But I mean that both my writing and my lovemaking seem to follow a similar neurological path. For instance, I spend a fair bit of time thinking about each, both before and after the event. I find myself fantatsizing about crafting the perfect line just as often as I do Natalie Portman's eyes.

Then when I know I'm going to sate my desire I get excited at first, can't wait for the moment to arrive. When it does suddenly I am struck with a hint of trepidation, how does one start exactly? Should I just dive right in, or do I need to warm it up a bit first? I generally start by working lightheartedly around the edges, before starting the main thrust. Equally, both activities involve my bashing away at buttons that while I konw are there, I'm not entirely sure HOW they work, settling for the fact that they do, or at least appear to.

So once I've started and I'm happily bashing away at the buttons, eliciting what I hope are the right reactions, I feel pretty good. I like to think I'm fairly competant at the activity I'm indulging, hell how am I kidding. At the start I think I'm James Brown or Joyce, certainly a James. But then at around the mid-point I start to wonder how the recipient is feeling. Maybe they're not enjoying this as much as I would hope? Am I being too self-indulgent? Too rude? Not rude enough? Is anyone even there?(A truly worrying concern during sex)Is my ettiquette correct?

All of these worries start to have a harrowing effect on me, and I develop that fatal flaw in both creativity and humpypumpy - self awareness. Nobody looks good during sex. Nobody. Equally a piece of writing is never good until it's been read correctly, or performed, heard, digested. So trying to analyse the good bits whilst flying solo is impossible.

After the self awareness and doubt that inevitably follows I struggle on and quantity becomes the main concern with all thoughts of quality long eschewed. I burble about for a bit, my heart no longer in the process before limping to an apologetic and unsatisfying end.

Eeeeww. I hope nobody I'm trying to sleep with ever reads this. Although, if I'm trying to sleep with them I'd hope they weren't online reading any blog to be honest. Not a fan of the cyber-scene, I lie too well and if I'm doing it...

The other main similarity between my writing and my sex life, is that recently all too often both activities take place alone with my laptop in close proximity.

Mmmmm....lovely image. Oh, hi mum. Yeah a cup of coffee would be lovely thanks.

See you later!

xxx