OI TITS!!

This is not a comedy blog. This is a dressing down. Possibly a comedy dressing down but that all depends on my fecal flow. PATTERSON what are you playing at? It's a Wednesday and once again you've not blogged. I am blogging in your stead. That means you owe me. So next time I need something doing it's on you, and my balls are pretty itchy.


I The mighty Fearg will be blogging on Friday which will be greater than the wall of China mixed with the Barrier Reef coupled with Jerry Lee Lewis' balls of fire. Until then I have a rather pressing matter to attend to, the aforementoined fecal matter, I have a turtle's head the size of Guernsey to deal with.

There's an image for you. By the way I've just got back from Stratford where I saw Hamlet. Awesome. I'll tell you more on Friday.
xxx

Josh's back, Back again, Josh is back, tell some men.

Good After-eve y'all!

How you all doing? Good I do hope.

I'm currently on the verge of switching from being relaxed to being as stressed as a white farmer in Zimbabwe. Not that I'm in, or going to, Zimbabwe but that I've just come back from a lovely afternoon at the Spa and am thus preparing for the beginning of the second week of filming Dark Revolution. Things witht this little vampiric project of mine have been going well and are looking at the very least...ok, however I'm going to stick my neck out and say that we're going to make something good of this little shin dig.

As far as fresh elderly associates are concerned I saw Fearg towards the end of last week and very briefly yesternight and we ARE slowly but surely pushing forward with plans for Mate in various forms and will of course update you via the miracle of blogs.

I went into the egg today to see Breasts but was sorely disappointed. Disappointing.

Unfortunately this has been yet another largely uneventful and useless blog of mine and I must now leave you as my Frankfurter Salad is calling to me in a lustful voice.

Farewell Blogstars.
Things just ain't the same for gangsters...
Josh Blogolga
xxxx
(Oh and I went to see The Dark Knight and it was pretty good, not Oscar worthy but pretty good...)

Fearg on Fridays IX

Hello my lovelies.
How are we then? Good? I'm glad. Along with glad I'm also freaking knackered. Last night I was with the Golgothan filming for RJG productions forthcoming pilot Dark R/evolution. Its a vampire type thingummy. I played a hungry and freaking cool vampire. I've extrapolated out a fair bit there as it was just one fight scene with one line - "Ouch". Excellent scripting there. No, it was a right giggle actually. We filmed from ten till 5. IN THE MORNING!!! Madness. So now, I am tired. Fatigued. Weary. Exhausted. Sleepy. Drowsy. Spent. Knackered. Shattered. Shagged. Other synonyms for fucked.

But that said I'm good. Just sat watching Lee Evans and will now type the next joke he says; Bats hang upside down, do you think they know they're upside down? "Do you know you're upside down?" "Am I? I wondered why I had shit all down here." Which is very funny if you watch him do it. But then so is the fact that his dog's name is Brian.

God damn I'm tired. I've got a sort of a date thing tonight which will be a laugh wunnit? Will it? I dunno. Not a big one for dating. Mating yes, dating no. Sorry slipped into Will there. No sexual references please. SEXUAL REFERENCES!! What a great comedy notion. Before you get down and dirty with someone they go "Um...could I just get your sexual references before we go any further?" And you have to give them the numbers of your two most recent partners!

I am satisfied that the above is vaguely amusing and therefore have fulfilled my obligation. May I just say a big welcome back to the lovely re-entry of Breasts into the blog market. A healthy dose of oestrogen to temper the preposterous amounts of testosterone swilling around preposterone. That's for you Golga.

Cheers for me ice cream the other day Ames t'was lovely. Me and Josh have had a bit of a chat about the show and he reckons he might be around soonish. Progress on the sit-com is good the pilot is almost finished and has a couple of moments of genuine comedy gold, or at least silver of bronze.

xxx

I'm Back Baby!

Hey Bloggers and blogettes. That's right. Breasts is (are?) in da house. And in the spirit of Blogolga's monday blog, today's blog is brought to you in honour of Kevin James - another of the mighty Smith's co stars who has accepted to unselfishly be overshadowed in a film alongside him. Some have dared to suggest that James was actually better than Smith in Hitch. While I am happy to admit he was good, these people are wrong. Very wrong. Smith played a love expert for pity's sake - a man PAID to charm men and women alike. Actually, rumour has it this was actually a documentary. I like the word actually.

And so, Kevin James joins Kevin Kline in the list of famous people (Kevins?) who cannot match the might of Master William. We salute you.

In other news, I had an awesome (extended) weekend. Had a lovely afternoon on Saturday having coffee with CuzLisa and giving gifts (kindereggs) to the Max and Beth cast. Then I bought a dress, shaved some of my hair and dyed other bits of it, had a drinky with Feargy and then went to Tiffany's grad party. Was tres fun. Felt awful the next day and wore sunglasses to the cinema where me and tiff saw Mama Mia. Am still unsure whether it was the best or worst film I've ever seen. What I am sure of is that James Bond should not sing that much in any film. I'm also sure that I want to be Meryl Streep when I grow up.

Then on Monday morning Mr. Breasts and I realised that we had ALMOST two days off together. So, we got in the car and went to the seaside. We swam in the sea wearing our clothes and ate cream teas and ice creams and local crab and drank cocktails and skimmed stones and annoyed fishermen and climbed hills and posed in sunglasses and spoke to an old lady about her dogs and stayed in her spare bedroom in her 'B&B' and left 24 hours after we arrived. Oh yeah! That was our summer people!

Anyhoo, must go. Am meeting the mighty fearg for coffee tomorrow so need to get my beauty sleep or he might stop fancying me. Gutted. And HA - It's ten to 12. I'm back on track.

love you all blog lovers. Think of me when you're making love. It might help. Breasts. xxx

Hello there everyone!

Today's blog is brought to you by the number 7 , the actor Kevin Kline and the Character Artemus Gordon.

To make this blog a long blog would be silly. Thus it shall be a short blog. Succinct-ish (spelling uncertain).

We come together today, on this most auspicious of Mondays. We are gathered/huddled around this blog, as are many around the world to pay our respects to the unsung heroes of all Will Smith films. To thank those who have had their moments of glory all but overshadowed by a Smith shaped shade.

Thank you to Kevin Kline, Tommy Lee Jones, Kenneth Brannagh, Jonny Knoxville, Jeff Goldblum and many many more...

As far as New Old Friends are concerned things are moving on at a rate of knots and in several different directions, however all these directions all eventually lead to a tour of unbridled passion, animosity, vengance in this life or the next. But, if you should find yourself riding through green fields with the sun on your backs, do not fear for you are in Elysium (or something like that) and you are already dead!

Dark Revolution begins filming in.........5hrs 49mins!!!!!!

Thus I must leave you my children.

Josh Blogolga
xxx

Fearg on Fridays VIII

I've just made a sandwich that was so good I had to write a blog about it.

If you don't get that reference go and watch Cochrane NOW. Alun Cochrance. I refuse to write any more until you've watched it. What do you mean I'll never know? I'll know. I'll know.

Nope. Nothing doing. Go on goon. It's freaking high-larry-us.

Ok. I'll settle for that. Most of you have watched it, all but you. Why don't you just do one hey? So on with the blogorama. Today's blog will be presented in glorious 50s technicolor. Whilst ultimately remaining monochrome. Jinkys.

Isn't it good Norweigan wood? That's not what I wanted to type but I said it in my head and then realised that I'd typed it also. Bum holes. I wanted to type, isn't it good that I am writing this to you on a Friday! No trades descriptions act lawsuits for me this week, which is nice. The legal costs are just stacking up.

SO! What have I been up to post-Mate? Well as my last blog let slip I broke my old laptop, which was not cool. For a while I thought I'd lost everything that was on there, but then I got all techno-geeky I got most of it off. I'm good at getting things off....ladies. Just got a text from the Blogolga and he's also making an incredible sandwich. WITH HUMOUS!!! WITH HUMOUS I TELL THEE! Isn't that a lovely example of social mobility? Josh is a working class salt of the earth type bloke and yet he has Humous in his fridge. Some of you may object to me making the word Humous a perfect noun (capital letter) but Humous is perfect, mother funkster. While I'm digressing awhile I must confess to a little white lie about Josh. He's not really working class. He's middle class. Not rich, comfortable. Comfortable enough to fill a fridge with lovely snack foods of the world. What a digression. Oh yeah. Cochrane.

So, this song is sposed to keep ya from doing what your sposed to. Been playing some Jack Johnson, it's suprisingly taxing and relaxing and maxing and cooling and shootin some Bball outside of the school...wait! This keeps happening. I must stop singing as I blog. You may remember from the blog fiends last blog that he's shooting a pilot, as in filming a solo episode of a prospective TV series, not gunning down an aviation expert. I hope to take up a role in said pilot. But it all depends on whether I can get the day off my taxing work at the Roman Baths. Check it out over there, "Salve!" Which is pronounce salvay not salve like lip salve. Just if you ever needed to say hello to a Roman/Latin speaker. Yup.

Right this blog has successfully gone nowhere, but where would it go? It's an online diary of sorts, it has no cognitive sense of self in order to make the decision it wanted to move or indeed the physical attributes needed to neccessitate such a decision should it find a way of acheiving it.

Good day to you.

x

Toni Blogless

The first film to be produced by RJG Productions.

In association with New Old Friends.

Vampires, Guns and other cool things...

p.s. The boy with the spider died yesterday...or so i'm told....

(not really just another joke...i hope......enough now!)

Hello again all!

Welcome back to another exciting episode from The Josh Blogolga. (Apologies to those to take offence to me refering to myself in the third person as a fictional character...but you should really learn to deal with that kind of stuff. I mean there isn't really much wrong with using the third person, especially if the job you're doing takes more than two...Breasts i'm looking at you here...erm....yeah....full stop.)

Anyway...Welcome back to another exciting episode from The Josh Blogolga (all people offended by the third person please re-read the above paragraph.) Before I really get into it I think we should all take a moment to watch Alun Cochrane at the Comedy Store on www.youtube.com he's great.

(Pause here for Cochrane)

Now that Alun's out of the way...New Old Friends. You may remember us, we're the wonderful young theatre company that brought you Mate all those many hours and days ago. Well things for us haven't stopped since then! Well not completely, we've had a little rest and done a little of this and a little of that but none of that oh God no! And, in our travels we've decided to go on our travels. Yes, that's right the MATE TOUR 2009 is coming!

We are currently in the process of setting up the admin side of a tour and organising where to go and when to go there, so keep your eyes on the website and/or facebook group for more details.

In the mean time, Amy has continued to get on with her life, Feargus has continued to get on with his life, Andy has continued to get on with his life and I've done a bit here and there.

If any of you are wondering why there's a weird little vampire bit at the top it's to do with Dark Revolution. An original screenplay written by Richard Jago with an extended trailer commencing shooting on Monday 21st July. New Old Friends are keeping an eye on the project and possibly looking at becoming involved depending on the success of the trailer and basically if the idea's appealing to us, although being a theatre company primarily and with a tour to organise...well you get the idea.

Right then, I've had my dinner but i'm still hungry so I think I might go and look for some chocolate or possibly cheese but not both.

Be wary of mixed fruit and those who wear full tracksuits.

love to you all!

Josh

xxx

Fearg on Fridays VII

Hello,
This is late and just a saver. My laptop got a virus and I'm busy reinstalling everything on to my new one. I'll do a better post this evening, right now I've got to go to work.

Love you all.
Fearg.
x

The Tarantula and his wiley ways...

Does this boy know that there's a spider on his head or is he just looking up at the ice cream his Mum has just bought him from the ice cream van in the park?

That's the kind of shit that happens in warm weather.

This boy is now dead.
(None of this is true...I hope)

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello everyone!

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO CAME TO SEE THE SHOW!
THANK YOU TO EVERYONE AT THE EGG FOR BEING GREAT!
THANK YOU TO REVOLUTION IN TOWN FOR AMENDING THEIR MISTAKE WITH FREE DRINKS AND THANK YOU TO LAURA FOR HASSLING THE MANAGEMENT INTO DOING SO.

The show is over. End of blog I hear you ask?

No.

Na na na na na don't kill me, will only make the blog stronger.

Back to the show. It went REALLY well. All three nights were successful, we even sold a fair few tickets on the door each night. However the most important thing is that the majority of audience members seemed to leavc with a smile on their face and in some cases bruises from being nudged by their partners to say "Oh oh isn't that funny..." at certain bits of the play. (A much needed full stop).

The issues around topical Portugal jokes have been all but resolved and now the mission to move the play on is under way. The word tour has been banded about as have the words "let's", "on", and "go", although the order of these words is still under discussion. Ass.

I'm leaving tomorrow. This is something I'm not happy about at all. Bath is a much better place to live than London and for those of you who are interested I'm looking into the possibility and the pros and cons of moving to Bath in the near future.

I've jad a great time working on this show with Andy, Fearg and Amy and both the Waters' and Woods-Dunlop families havc been incredible for letting me stay this long, all the love in the world to everyone in this paragraph.

All in all, the whole thing has been great and the question of will there be another New Old Friends production is I feel only a matter of time. We're comin'. We're comin'. You can't stop us. You can't stop us.

later on all
Jim West
Desperado
Rough Rider
Josh
xxx

P.S. I wanted to proof read this fpr selling mistakes but couldnt be bothered.

Fearg on Fridays VI

Hoi, hoi!

I am freaking knackered my little bloglets. But in the best possible way (OK the second best possible way). I've just got back from the second night of MATE. It went really well. Not quite as well as the first, which actually murdered all other comedy in it's path. If you were in that audience you should hire yourself out places you were incredible. The audience we had tonight were more of a sit and smile bunch, or possible they weren't even smiling we can't tell it's dark out there. Having said that, there were still some big laughs to be had and they clapped and even whooped a little at the end.

Tonight we suffered a little bit with 'second night syndrome' by which I mean we pre-empted somethings, or expected laughs where there were none. Rule 1 in comedy is NEVER expect a laugh, but always be prepared for one. We forgot this a little but tonight. But as I say, there were still some really big laughs in there, which I suppose is the comedy equivalent of when the top football teams beat the relegation strugglers 1-0 and the commentator goes "Mark of champions that Mark wouldn't you say? Didn't play their best but still found a way to win." Tonight we weren't at the top of our game maybe but we sent the crowd out smiling.

People have said some really nice things about the play. Far too many to list here (too many and even I'm not that conceited), one thing that a good friend of mine did tell me this evening was that he was watching (and laughing) through his fingers as he just didn't know where we were going to go next. Which I took to be a pretty nice compliment, although in writing it could easily be read to mean we've produced an entirely incoherent play. We haven't. I'm not saying it's Hamlet or anything, but it makes sense. It's also already thrown up at least one alternative reading than that which was written. I prefer the new reading, it's arty.

So, onwards and upwards. Saturday night has the potential to sell out. It's close to it, so don't be put off hitting the door (about 25-30 seats left) and it would be great to sell it out. Not in a mercenairy way, but just if the house is full and we get the belly laughs started it will be the greatest feeling in the world. Come on, it's a £5 , I can honestly say you'll laugh out-loud on more than one occasion, and there's free pizza to end. What possible better way is there to spend a Saturday? If you do come along you instantly get that £5 back because you get free club entry!

One thing to note though. If this is your first theatrical experience (and there've been a few), then if it says 7.30 on the ticket, that means the show STARTS at 7.30 not the doors open. There's a bar serving reasonably priced drinks, and we have Baba Brinkman (check his Myspace) performing downstairs as a pre-show. It'll be great!

Much love guys, I know that once again this hasn't been funny, which means as a blogger I'm only 33.33% funny, but come see the show and cut me some slack because I'd say the show is about 70% funny. By which I mean 70% of the script is funny. You're reading that going "If he's saying that 30% isn't funny then why should I see it?" aren't you? If you are don't worry, the other 30% is just taken up with like ands, & so's, & the's, those kind of words, which unless said with Steve Coogan's accent aren't funny. (Steve Coogan is always funny by definition.)

Much love.
xx

OH MY GOD IT’S TOMORROW!!!

That’s right Lads and Ladies, Homies and Homegirls, peeps and peepesses (or should that be peepettes?) etc. Tomorrow night at 7:30pm something amazing is going to happen. Will you be witness to it? If you want to be, you know what to do. If you don’t, why the hell are you reading this freaking blog? Get outta here!

Anyhoo, It’s been a long day, have been rigging and plotting and teching and focussing and levelling (all theatre terms) since 9am and now I want to cry, but it’s back in tomorrow bright and early for q2q, dress rehearsal then tidy-up, flyering then THE FIRST SHOW!!! Wicked.

So, I will be doing the lighting and sound during the shows. I have never done this before so if there are any fuckups or lights on when it’s clearly meant to be light etc please don’t boo and throw things up to the technical box, be nice to me! If you know any of the young men I worked with today (fearg, Josh, Andy, Steve Dart) you will know how hilarious it was to enjoy a whole day of ‘Amy’s Box’ jokes. “Is it dark in your box?” “Has Steve got stuck in your box?” “I’m poking Amy with a ruler in her box” etc.

Other things acheived included inventing over-the-sofa-hand-tennis, walking through town with fifteen pizza boxes and the curtain call to end all curtain calls (in a manner of speaking. Kind of the Curtain Call’s curtain call...). No, I’m not going to elaborate, if you want to know what I’m referring to you’ll have to come and see it.

The amount achieved today was five times the amount achieved yesterday, however, Fearg's twelve (and a half he's just demanded) slices of all you can eat Pizza Hut Buffet pizza was not to be scoffed at, or scoffed at all. We also did the get in with a comedy sofa-out-the-office-round-the-corner-down-the-steps-through-the-doors-and-up-the-stairs sketch built in. We literally re-enacted the FRIENDS 'Pivaaat' sketch. Lush! Well, i say 'we', I just carried the cushions.

In fact the more i think about it the more I think we should forget about MATE and just invite people to come and watch the rehearsals!

Saturday is nearly sold out but there are still tickets available for tomorrow and Friday. See you there. If not, I've already told you to bugger off. Really, you people!

Love love, Breasts.